SHITS FAKER THAN MY LOVE FOR HOES ONE LOVE AND IM OUT. 9/11 WAS FAKE TOO.
Nail on the head with this one. If anyone can understand the method behind this dude’s madness it’s you fine Stoolies. Probably could’ve had a few more uses of the words “faggot,” “fuck,” and “Jew” if he wanted to make this Barstool-accurate, but for Youtube I think he did a solid job.
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Perfect. Shout out to Jocelyn for the Photoshop. If you’ve got some ‘Shop skills and want to make a poster for other rappers in movie titles, send them right along to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com and if it’s good I’ll post it. And if you’re still looking to make names you might wanna try The Rap Map for inspiration.
Forbes - Allen Iverson – who has earned over $154 million in salary alone over his stellar NBA career — is broke. That number excludes his tens of millions more in non-salary income, including a $50 million lifetime endorsement contract from Reebok. … Perhaps the telltale indicator of Iverson’s divorce from financial reality, however, was an anecdote I received via a former teammate of Iverson’s from his days with the Philadelphia 76ers. This player, raised on a far higher standard of fiduciary responsibility, was amused and stunned by “A.I.’s” money habits. He related how on many road trips Iverson refused to carry baggage, evidently seeking to remain as unencumbered from physical things as he was of basketball defenders. Because of this habit, Iverson would buy a full selection of new clothes, shoes, and other expensive items at each new destination with rolls of cash he carried on his person. Moreover, upon departure, he would leave all those goodies behind in his hotel room or just give them away.
Okay, okay, so AI rarely liked to bring luggage and would simply buy all new gear when he landed and toss it after a single use. Of course the mainstream media will eat this up and try to say this is why Iverson is broke and why he had to play in Turkey and the reason he’s getting sued for unpaid jewelry, but those people are just short-sighted. Allen knew what he was doing — you just gotta dig deeper. So, okay, maybe he spends an inordinate amount of cash on new clothes, but did you stop to think how much the dude saved on taking care of those clothes? Had to be at least enough to cover the clothes themselves when you add it all up:
What was he spending on clothes in 2001? Five bucks for a Galaxy tee, $200 for a throwback, and maybe $55 for a pair of Air Force Ones? I mean the numbers speak for themselves. And if he was GIVING the clothes away — that’s a charity tax write-off. Forbes may try to paint our local hero like an irresponsible clown who blew through $200 million with inept decision making and poor money management, but I see the true genius. If AI is broke, it’s not because of his luggagelessness.
I don’t wanna hear anybody say shit about our 110+ RBI first baseman being fat when a supposed contender is starting Kenny Powers here at third. Look at this dude. Hes already surpassed that moment of fathood when your oversized belly button is now visible through your shirt. He’s past “getting fat” and is rounding third heading towards diabetes medication and 24/7 sweatpants. And here you’d think he’d get enough exercise from chasing and shooting Mexicans who come onto his property all day. Just a shame.
CINCINNATI — An Ohio church is offering a drive-thru Ash Wednesday blessing for parishioners who might be pressed for time. The Rev. Patricia Anderson Cook of Mt. Healthy United Methodist Church in suburban Cincinnati plans to provide the service for people of all faiths and services beginning around 5 p.m. in the church’s parking lot. “Some people are very busy, and some people get a little intimidated walking into a church, this is for them,” Cook told the Cincinnati Inquirer.
Quite possibly the greatest power move by the church since the Inquisition. Christ for the 21st century. Nice to cater to people intimidated by walking into a church but have the holy cojones to walk around all day in public with symbolic ash on their face. And to think people actually have time to waste on church outside of the already grueling 2.5 hours a year wasted on Christmas Eve and Easter Sunday?
Spending an unnecessary hour in mass on a Wednesday is pretty much torture. Church time is like dog years in reverse – every minute feels like 7. And there’s only so much you can do to occupy your mind from wanting to punch yourself and everyone around you in the dick. If you’re lucky you have a smoke in your field of vision and can sport some holy wood, but all hope is lost when you lose track of where the Priest is in the mass and you’re all of a sudden forced to stand. Christ’s Catch-22. And there’s only so much time you can spend thinking ‘What if one of those big ass lights hanging from the ceiling would fall?,’ planning every option in advance to make sure you’re kneeling as minimally as possible, and fantasizing how far you can get with the collection plate before being tackled. It’s physically and mentally exhausting. So big time move by this Pastor here going with the quick and easy method to be saved. Because nothing says I worship the almighty by spending more time, thought, and money waiting on some spicy chicken nuggets and a frosty than in church.
PS – How jealous were you of the rebels who left right after getting communion? Fuck those un-pious assclowns.
Except maybe there is. If these two are actually gay (which I’m not saying they are), then there’s a problem with them not coming out of the closet. Maybe not Baron Davis as much since he’s washed up and had his job outsourced to Asia, but Deron Williams would be a fantastic role model for gay athletes everywhere. Dude is a top 3-4 point guard in the world. Nothing would be bigger for the homosexual community than to have a star of his caliber step out of the closet and into the shining rainbow-colored light of open gayness. It would no longer be as taboo to be a gay pro. Players would be coming out left and right trying to cash in on that long gay money, doing man-bag magazine ads and commercials for Santorum wipes on the Logo channel. It would change the face of American athletics.
Or this is just an inside joke and this narrator bitch is a homophobe. Either one.
IT’s lucky this ogle has not caused a major diplomatic incident — as the husband of Finland’s president admired the cleavage of a Danish princess.
Wait I’m not sure I completely understand…husband of Finland’s president? Is that a typo? Is he gay? I’m having trouble understanding how a man could be the husband of a president. Wait — the president is a WOMAN? Nah, that can’t be right.
Homey should have just held his ground and gave the princess a wink. Pretending something on the ceiling is suddenly interesting is a coward’s way out. Show that bitch what’s up. You’re a hunter and she’s the prey. Whip out your junk, let it sit on your lap, and see if she likes what she sees. Screw the formalities. After a lifetime of repression there’s no way this slut isn’t down.
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