Any last minute fantasy questions? Shoot them at us @SmittyBarstool and @BalesFootball.
Like every week, I STRONGLY recommend listening to the Soundcloud than attempting to watch that video. Very choppy stuff. If you have any questions let us know and we’ll get back to you
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Did we call it or did we call it? Kenny Britt and then some last week, baby. If you listened to us you would’ve known that. RG III, eh, not so much. But it’s pretty self explanatory by this point. Myself and Fantasy Football guru and Draftkings Pro Johnathan Bales give you our thoughts, picks and sleepers for Week 7. IN JUSTIN HUNTER WE BUST.
Any last minute fantasy questions? Shoot them at us @SmittyBarstool or @BalesFootball. Also, Jonathan’s got a really good package filled with insight for you Fantasy Football players. Doesn’t matter if you have a season long league or play cash games weekly, he’ll give you everything you need to know. Definitely check out his 2014 Weekly In-Season Package here. ALSO: Bales is putting his money where his mouth is. If your Draftkings Sunday Million team ends up better than his highest score, screenshot it and Tweet it over to him. You’ll be rewarded with his Fantasy Football Packages for the rest of the season.
Smitty’s NFL Spanks (0-3 last week [FUCK}, 19-13 overall)
Giants +3.5 (MONEYLINE BITCHES)
Michael Scott is always good for a chuckle when down and out.
Michael Scott is always good for a chuckle when down and out.
Let’s have a weekend.
Do yourself a favor and try not to imagine how the inside of that car must have smelled.
NYDN – A couple having sex in a car on an Oregon street corner had a short trip to jail — they were parked outside. The jailhouse rockers drew police at 5:44 p.m. on Sunday after their extracurricular activity drew complaints and slowed traffic thanks to gawkers in Springfield, Ore. Kelli Knutson, 24, and boyfriend Logan Jackson, 33, had been at The Brick House strip club and parked across the street, KVAL reported. Rather than head home, they got naked and frisky in the car, police said. “We’d normally tell them to go someplace that’s safer than a parking lot or wherever we might find them,” Sgt. Rich Charboneau told KVAL. “In this case, we had traffic being slowed down, we had someone complaining about it, so we had to take action.”
Nothing sweeter than some post-strip club car sex with your girl on a casual Sunday afternoon parked outside of the local police station. Think we can all relate to that one. The adrenaline rush alone is worth a brief stint in county jail. And for our man right here who probably smells like a mixture of sewage and hot dogs, it must be nice and rewarding to know that your pipe game is so good that it can cause a traffic jam. For the most of us, I’m sure drivers would immediately slam on the gas upon seeing us flail around like a sloth having a seizure pressed up against the back seat in a Ford Taurus. Nobody that’s not in porn has ever looked good while having sex, especially not while having sex in a car. It just doesn’t work. You’re too crammed, there are too many obstacles in the way, chances are your backseat is already filled with a bunch of trash from Wawa, it’s not meant to be. But I guess there’s just something horrifyingly artistic when Logan Jackson is having himself a day. He must just have that “it” factor, and unfortunately he’ll just have to spend a little time behind bars because of it due to the few virgins who just had to go and rat on these two love birds. But that’s just something that comes with the territory. I’m sure this is neither the first time or the last that he’ll be arrested for laying it down correctly.
Only a little bit to go...
This is our brand, spanking new feature on Friday afternoons in November. If you’re stuck in front of the computer at this point you deserve the most mindless, enjoyable material to help pass the time. So here it is: 10 or so random GIFS from the Internets to put the mind at ease for a couple minutes. Simple as that. Could be hot, funny, painful, new, old – whatever works. Enjoy.
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Are we sure she didn't die a long time ago? Woof.
DM – A huge crowd of wellwishers gathered at Seville cathedral today to mourn the Duchess of Alba as her coffin was brought in for her funeral service. Her six children are set to inherit a palace each following her death aged 88.Worth an estimated £2.2billion, the Spanish duchess was one of Europe’s wealthiest aristocrats when she passed away yesterday at her Seville residence, Duenas Palace. Her 64-year-old husband Alfonso Diez, who is 24 years her junior, was said to be at her bedside when she passed after developing pneumonia. He is not set to receive any of her fortune, which includes an impressive property portfolio, 50,000 pieces of artwork and 18,000 rare books.
Are we sure she didn’t die a long time ago? Woof. Regardless of that Cryptkeeper mug, how about her thinking she’s above the laws and ethics of golddigging? She knew the rules. Give the man a bone or at least a stipend for time served. I’d be FURIOUS if I had to clear the cobweb of the vagina only to be left in the dust. He obviously wasn’t marrying her for the looks. The doctors should have encouraged around the 402nd Botox the “Walk On All Fours, Shave The Butt And Walk Backwards” treatment. Come to think of it, a lot of the population would benefit from that.
The Dutchess in the 19th Century actually looked half decent. Good for it.
The tits of the town.
As the fall slowly turns into winter, college and high school basketball become main topic points in the Philadelphia Area. Our Big 5 (6) Season Preview will highlight the 5 (6) Philadelphia area college teams as they begin their seasons as well as check-in with local talent across the country playing for major college teams and professional teams.
Fran Dunphy has an interesting group of guys to sort out this year. Dunph is loaded with guard play, returning starter Anthony Decousey who averaged 15.4 ppg during league play is their leader. The rest of the backcourt consists of a bunch of quality guys who will all be able to chip in. Will Cummings, a senior, and Josh Brown, a sophomore are two guys who helped the team last year at the guard position will surely be expected to contribute more. Even more interesting is two local Philly products will be eligible to play during the second semester, but not the first due to transfer rules. Olney product Jesse Morgan chose to play during the second semester of this year because he only had a half a semester eligible to use (don’t know how that happened). Compound this with Friends Central grad Devin Coleman’s eligibility (Clemson transfer) which begins in the second semester and there is going to be some battles for playing time. At the forward position, Jaylen Bond, Plymouth-Whitemarsh high school standout, came back from his attempt at playing at Texas to join this years Temple squad. If he stays healthy he can really help this team, the guy was a beast in high school and simply chose the wrong major program. This team will be put through another brutal schedule starting off at the Barclays center against Duke and then taking on the winner of Stanford/UNLV. They will also face Kansas at the Wells Fargo a couple days before Christmas. A heavy early schedule can spiral out of control, but Dunphy usual can contain his ship. In terms of Big 5 (6) play, I see them finishing at second with the possibility of being jumped by Lasalle.
V for Villanova, V for Victory!! After going through some troubles during the Dominic Cheek, Mouphtaou Yarou, Maalik Wayns era, Jay Wright has righted the ship and brought Villanova back into the elite of College Basketball. The AP poll and ESPN has them firmly placed around the 11, 12 region in all of their preseason rankings and the schedule Wright built isn’t going to move them very far up or down until they face top teams like VCU at the end of November and Syracuse right before Christmas. This year,playing in the Big East is not going to help their strength of schedule because all the other teams are pretty mediocre. Schedule aside, this team is going to be fucking good.The entire team is basically returning (RIP James Bell). Jay has 7 footer Daniel Ochefu and the Bull Dog JayVaughn Pinkston determining the frontcourt. Ochefu tends to get into a lot of foul trouble which forces Jay to spread it out and go small by sliding JayVaughn to the point-center and surrounding him with athletic guards who can shoot the ball from three. During big games, Ryan ArchdiPUTTHETEAMONMYBACKcano will be expected to limit his turnovers and in general needs to make more threes if this team expects to go far in the tournament. Having guys like Darrun Hilliard and Josh Hart running beside him will take some pressure off but at the end of the game the ball is going to Arch for a 3 or Pinkston for a strong finish and NOBODY else. They each have to be poised and ready for that. Jay Wright will pull his typical BS and make it look like they are not running set plays the entire game and they’ll probably drop an egg at some point that’ll leave you wondering what this team is all about, but I think they really have a shot at making a solid, deep run into the NCAA tourney because of the amount of minutes they all have shared together. If Arch has taken steps forward this off-season and can step up and be the man like he was in high school and make plays from all parts of the court, we’re in for a long, wild ride. Big 5 (6) prediction – First place, easily. Tournament prediction- 3 seed in the tourney, Elite 8 appearance.
The battle begins.
[Editor's Note: Bulldoggy wanted to find the best of the best in the NFL through a death match of cameltoes and titties. This is the closest we're gonna get.]
As the NFL season rolls on with some heated divisional races I wanted to take some time to spotlight the heart and soul of every NFL franchise. The cheerleaders. I will be highlighting each teams squad by division over the next few weeks until we come up with the overall winner. Chicks with the most/best rated comments moves on (the Barstool rating system 3-way is FUCKED). Enjoy.
The first team knocked out from the start is the Buffalo Bills. They don’t have a team based on some lawsuit blah blah blah. Get it together Buffalo.
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As usual, I'll put in my two cents before Bales shoots down my dreams and overall lifestyle and gives you the correct advice.
Pretty standard at this point. You have any questions about your season long leagues or Draftkings weekly lineups this week? Either leave them in the comments, email into Phillytips@barstoolsports.com or Tweet them at myself @SmittyBarstool or NY Times Fantasy Football Writer/Guru/Pro @BalesFootball. I’ll put in my two cents before Bales shoots down my dreams and overall lifestyle and gives you the correct advice. Last week Bales was hefty on Kenny Britt in his projections and I said the Eagles suck. How’d that work out for everyone?