Little Flyers Fan Gets A Crosby Jersey For Christmas And Hates His Family For The Rest Of His Life

You give a Flyers fan a Penguins jersey for Christmas, you deserve to get the mumps. Plain and simple.

I think its suffice to say that cousin David is a certified dickhead. I hope he gets the super mumps just for pulling a stunt like this. As a bit of a jersey nut myself, I know exactly what was running through this little dude’s head when he first got the gift. He could feel it was a jersey right away. Was probably so pumped for a new Flyers sweater to replace that cheap one he was rocking already. Probably told Santa all he wanted for Christmas was an authentic Michael Del Zotto jersey, preferably white. And then what does he get when he opens up the present? A heaping pile of dog shit right in his face. Eww is right. That’s pretty much the same reaction I have every time I see that asshole crosbysbrain comments on a post. Just makes me want to burn the whole mother effer down to the ground.

P.S. – I wish I didn’t like the Pens’ new sweaters so much. Real recognize real, that’s a filthy jersey and it sucks that I’ll never be able to own one.

h/t Bardown

By jordie posted December 27th, 2014 at 9:45 AM

The Greatest Holiday Jam EVER Taking You Into Christmas And The New Year

This doesn't get said enough, but I sincerely thank you all for another great year at Barstool.


Boss. That is all.

This doesn’t get said enough, but I sincerely thank you all for another great year at Barstool. It wouldn’t be possible without all you degenerates giving us the time of day, and I sincerely appreciate all of you. I also have give love to our boys here at Barstool Philly (follow them on Twitter) @BarstoolFranco, @BarstoolJordie, @BarstoolBulldoggy, @SteveOBarstool and @BarstoolRizzo. They do a lot of great things for (less than) peanuts. I truly appreciate all the help and work they put in. Give them a shout.

Let’s have a holiday. Enjoy it people.


By smitty posted December 24th, 2014 at 2:15 PM

Australia Deserves Some Kind Of Award Because Their Santa Coverage Is On LOCKDOWN

We're talking actual Doppler footage and real-life simulations of that fat bastard flying into town.

None of this one-liner “I hear Santa’s over the Pacific now, better get to bed” or, the WORST, being a total Grinch Bitch and saying straight up Santa isn’t real. Nope. We’re talking actual Doppler footage and real-life simulations of that fat bastard flying into town. Good for the Aussies keeping the magic alive. Those little mates will have to wait till they’re around 7 when their drunk Uncle drops the ball along with his pants while challenging people to fights on Christmas Eve. I just hope all families are as festive.


By smitty posted December 24th, 2014 at 1:25 PM

WOW: Nearly 1% Of American Women Believe They’ve Had A Virgin Birth

Lotta Mary's floating around the states.

‘MURICANearly one per cent of young women who have become pregnant claim to have done so as virgins, an American study has found. Researchers interviewed 7,870 women aged 15 to 28 and found that more than 0.5 per cent of them who said they were virgins had also given birth – without the help of IVF.

And the apocalypse hasn’t happened yet? Seems like Revelations should be in full swing with the return of all these Jesuses coming back to judge the living and the dead. George Carlin said it best: Think of the average stupid person, then realize half of them are stupider than that. Others aren’t stupid, they’re either full of shit or just fucking nuts. Well apparently 1 out of every 100 American mothers out there hit the boxed trifecta and then some. It’s women like these that encourage to end the struggle that is Woman’s Suffrage (man do I miss the greatness that was The Man Show).

Obligatory Jesus Christ Clip:

By smitty posted December 24th, 2014 at 11:50 AM

A Christmas Miracle: Your Philadelphia Flyers Are Going Streaking

The Flyers gave us a 3-game win streak for Christmas. How nice of them.


Flyers 5, Wild 2

So let me get this straight. The Flyers have won 3 games straight on the road, Vincent Lecavalier is on a 2-game goal scoring streak, the fourth line looks great, Voracek keeps pulling away with the points lead in the NHL and these sacks of shit have managed to claw themselves back to .500 on the year? Excuse me while I go find a change of pants. And listen, we’ve all been down this road before. The Philadelphia Flyers are that girlfriend you had who was amazing to you in the weeks leading up to Christmas so that you would buy her a really nice present. Then a week later she decides to break your heart and leave you with an empty bank account. Heartless bitch. I get that the Flyers are in hockey purgatory. I get that they’re not going to be good enough to actually do anything spectacular, but also not bad enough to land a top pick in the draft. But you know what? Life is all about living in the now. I’m in the present and I’m loving every second of these Flyers right now. So don’t you fucking dare rain on my parade. The Flyers gave us a 3-game win streak for Christmas, so let’s all be thankful for that.

As much as I really don’t like Andrew MacDonald for his contract, I hope he has a great holiday for this play right here. This had Flyers hockey written all over it until Old MacDonald sold out and made a hell of a play. It’s fun being in the holiday spirit and not despising every single player on the roster.

It’s great to see Lecavalier find a little bit of rejuvenation in his game as of late. I love Rinaldo’s heart and everything but that line of Pebbles-Vinny-VandeVelde has been on a tear. Probably the best 4th line the NHL has ever seen. So hopefully Rinaldo gets a few new suits for Christmas that he can wear in the press box for a while. Knowing Berube though, he’ll probably find a way to get him back in the lineup and maybe take out Giroux or something. I don’t know, the mind of Berube works in mysterious ways.

Speaking of Giroux, the captain has FINALLY been stepping up and playing like a captain lately. He’s finally acting like a leader for this team and doing a ton of extra shit on the side that doesn’t get quite as much attention as all the numbers he’s been putting up. Also, his Twitter game has recently picked up with this gem.

So yeah, I guess that’s all for now. Solid goal distribution last night throughout all the lines, solid goaltending from Razor Ray, and a couple of defensive plays that weren’t terrible. Here’s to just going along for the ride with the Philadelphia Flyers this year I guess.

By jordie posted December 24th, 2014 at 11:05 AM

How About This 42-Year-Old MILF From Pottstown Charged With Having Sex With 17-Year-Old She Met At A HS Football Game?

Iris, you stone cold slut!


POTTSTOWN, Pa. (WPVI) — A Montgomery County woman has been arrested on charges she had sex with a 17-year-old boy. Iris Gibney, 42, of Pottstown, Pa. is facing charges including corruption of a minor. The district attorney’s office accuses Gibney of having sex with the 17-year-old boy inside a car at a local park. Investigators also allege she sent explicit photos of herself to the boy. She allegedly met the teen at a school function, but investigators aren’t naming the school involved.

Iris, you stone cold slut! You’re looking THAT good in Pottstown and don’t have a previous criminal record, too? That’s Casting Couch material right there. Impressive. They say it’s not the years, it’s the mileage, and folks in that part of PA usually need everything under the hood replaced by the time they’re supposed to graduate high school. So good for Iris. Even though she strikes me as the type of gal that’s been down on everything but the Titanic. Her husband and kids must be proud.

By smitty posted December 24th, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Draftkings NBA Christmas Day Classic Is Here To Make Your Holiday Happy

Tis a Christmas miracle!

Tis a Christmas miracle! Let’s be honest with ourselves, we’re going to need a break away from the fam over the holidays. Why not take a load off, watch a little NBA and win a little cold hard cash with our friends at Draftkings. $20 to win your share of $200K. A no-brainer if I’ve ever seen one. Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight when I win that $20K for first. Literally. Victory Nog and hospital visits for all!

Contest Details:
-$200,000 Christmas Day Classic
-$25,000 first place prize, top 2,300 places win cash
-Draft a team of 8 players from the 5 NBA games being played on Christmas Day and win a share of $200,000
-Just $20 to enter and you could go home with the $25,000 1st place prize


By smitty posted December 24th, 2014 at 10:00 AM

Don’t Look Now But The Rock Just Murdered Christmas On Instagram


BAM! The Rock putting an end to Christmas before it even begins via Guido chain and fanny pack. #LookinLikeTwoBuffLesbians. Nailed it.

And I know he’s genetically a monster, but the young “Dwayne Johnson” is built like he belongs in American Horror Story: Freakshow. How that head was able to refrain from being swallowed by his shoulders one will never know. Also, props for keeping that mustache away from the INS. Damn thing is filthier than the dirtiest of Sanchez’s.


By smitty posted December 24th, 2014 at 9:30 AM
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