One thing I’ve noticed lately is that most of the stuff on television isn’t very good. Either the show is straight up awful or it’s shit like “Duck Dynasty” that people say is great but in all reality is pretty fucking stupid. So I was out at the bar the other night and we were going through our usual cycle of talking points of sports, girls, how my boss can grab a spoon and eat my ass, etc. The conversation eventually devolved into the “how much would it take for you…” thing. Like for instance, you might talk about how much it would take for the two fat girls over at the corner table to shit on your face after a plate of wings or what kind of coin it would require to rub your nose against your favorite aunt’s clit until she gets off. Standard stuff. Couple guys give realistic answers, but I love when a few throw out these absurd numbers like $2 million to try to sound dignified and act all offended I even brought it up.
Anyway, my one friend says, “Dude, you always start this conversation, but none of this is ever going to happen so will you just shut the fuck up?”
And, he’s right. I do always bring it up. But then it hit me. Why can’t it happen? It can and really I think it’s time we turn this type of thing into a reality show. I need this.
Like you might be saying at this point how there’s no market for something this awesome, but that’s totally untrue. Shows like “Taxi Cab Confessions” got great ratings and that was a bunch of chicks with dicks just sitting there talking about how they are chicks and also have dicks at the same time. Is that really that interesting? My idea trumps that without a doubt.
First of all, people love high stakes stuff. Think of the drama. Big money on the line and a guy assembles all of his aunts into a room with that theme from “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” playing, just studying his aunts and all. Like which one will he choose? Is he going to hurt Aunt Linda’s feelings if he choose Aunt Susan? Whose clit is the most workable? I don’t know, but I can’t wait to find out. After it’s over, he can go into one of those Real World confessionals and walk us through the process. Must see television.
Also, people love prizes. So with big time money on the line, I’m pretty sure that you can get families across America on the edge of their seats for something like this. They’ll root for a guy the way they do in all reality television shows. Think “American Idol” but bigger. It’d be pretty much like “Family Fued” except there wouldn’t be any trivia or that guy who killed himself as host. There would sometimes be incest too. Also that.
I don’t know. It’s a work in progress. Gotta iron out the kinks and all, but I’m pretty sure I’m onto something here.