Barstool Philly Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Kelly

  Introducing Kelly from PSU. Smoke patrol out in full force today, you know what they say about those state girls. Send in your smoke nominations to phillytips@barstoolsports.com or on twitter @muntbarstool  

kel

 

Introducing Kelly from PSU. Smoke patrol out in full force today, you know what they say about those state girls.

Send in your smoke nominations to phillytips@barstoolsports.com or on twitter @muntbarstool

 

Read the rest of this entry »

By munt posted January 27th, 2015 at 5:35 PM

This Guy/Girl Super Bowl Parody Just Officially Killed Uptown Funk

Now you only have to get through another 6 or so months of Bruno Mars parodies and we're in the clear.

So this is what’s going viral right now. As a whole, this isn’t terrible. Not especially creative or funny, but not too shabby. However, it’s just an example of how the grave has already been dug for what was once a great, fresh jam. Quicker than usual, too. Uptown Funk has gone the way of the Dodo along with the Call Me Maybe, Blurred Lines and Gangnum Styles of the world. Now you only have to get through another 6 or so months of Bruno Mars parodies and we’re in the clear. Can’t wait till NFL Cheerleaders start rolling out their videos in thee Summer thinking they’re the best new thing. OMG SO FUNNY!

Actually, that song was officially murdered over a month ago. #UptownWhiteFunk has no place in this life or the next.

By smitty posted January 27th, 2015 at 4:55 PM

Bacon Wrapped Onion Rings Exist And Therefore I Soon Will Not

Well, this is it folks. A diabetic sayanora, if you will.

bac

bac1

Thrillist – Beer-Battered Bacon Onion Rings Recipe. Total Time: 25 minutes Yield: 12-16 rings.

INGREDIENTS:

2 large vidalia onions
1 quart vegetable oil
12 ounces stout beer
2 cups all-purpose flour, divided
2 pounds sliced bacon
2 cups jarred queso

DIRECTIONS:

Cut onions crosswise into 1/2-inch thick slices, peel, and separate into rings. Discard the inner bulbs. Heat oil to 365℉ in a deep fryer or heavy-bottomed pot attached with an oil thermometer. Combine beer with one cup flour; mix thoroughly. Place remaining flour in a shallow dish. Dredge onion rings in flour, shake off excess, and dip in beer batter. Spiral slices of bacon around each onion ring to completely wrap it (you may need several slices depending on the size of the onion). Dip into batter again. Deep-fry the rings, a few at a time, for 3-5 minutes, or until deep brown. Transfer to paper towels to drain. Serve while hot with queso, heated according to jar instructions.

Well, this is it folks. A diabetic sayanora, if you will. All we need is to find a woman that can stand me enough to stick around for 25 min to make it and that’s all she wrote. Bacon and Onion Rings: Two of my four favorite vices together at last (if they find a way fit in alcohol and give it a bankroll to gamble with, we’re toast). Anything past the age of 30 and I’m on borrowed time anyway, so fuck it. What’s there to lose? Well, other than actually surviving the meal and losing a couple fingers and toes to the dreaded Type-2. Either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain, and Oswald Cobblepot I shall become.

By smitty posted January 27th, 2015 at 3:55 PM

Bagel Bites vs. Totino’s Pizza Rolls: The Great Debate

There can only be one.

pizza-bagel-bites

There comes a time in every man’s life when he realizes who he is and what he’s all about. And that time comes when he finally grows a set of nuts and decides whether he is going to be Team Bagel Bites or Team Pizza Rolls. Honestly, I think this is one of the most important question you need to ask yourself if you’re going through a point of self-reflection. Now I’m not here to judge anybody for which side they ultimately place themselves on because in order for the world to exist, there needs to be good guys and there needs to be bad guys. But let me make this abundantly clear; if you prefer Pizza Rolls over Bagel Bites, you are an asshole. But I’m not some plebeian imbecile. I realize that there is a case to be made for each side so let’s do that right now.

Pizza Rolls: The one thing that Pizza Rolls obviously have over Bagel Bites is their selection. There’s somewhere around like 15 different flavors of Pizza Rolls as opposed to the classic 5 that Bagel Bites puts out. The crust has a lot of flavor and I can’t knock the product at all on taste. Like I said, both Pizza Rolls and Bagel Bites are delicious. But as Smitty pointed out in this week’s podcast, Pizza Rolls have the same problem as Hot Pockets. Unless you’re a professional chef, your Pizza Rolls typically either have freezing cold centers or the entire thing turns into lava and you burn the shit out of your mouth. Also, some of times the insides explode out of the crust when you cook them and then it’s just one big fucking mess. Taste is great, but I don’t even think Bobby Flay knows how to master the art of cooking Pizza Rolls.

Bagel Bites: Again, Bagel Bites doesn’t have the same variety as Pizza Rolls. They don’t have a million flavors to offer but there’s a little saying that goes “Less is more”. When you break down the battle between Bagel Bites and Pizza Rolls, you have to take it from an even standpoint. Plain vs. Plain. Pepperoni vs. Pepperoni. And that’s where Bagel Bites just absolutely kick the shit out of Pizza Rolls. I mean think about it. This takes 2 of the greatest inventions in the world, pizza and bagels, and puts them together as one. Not that this is any area of expertise for me or anything, but I have to imagine that would be like somehow getting blown while you’re in the midst of p-in-v sex. Like there’s some mythical little creature in there doming you off mid thrust. Trying to paint a picture here for you. But yeah, pound for pound I go Bagel Bites 10/10 times. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy Pizza Rolls here and there. But if I have to go with one for the rest of my life, you can bet your sweet ass that I’d have no problem burning down the Pizza Roll factory.

Vote 1 for Pizza Rolls and the world to burn. Vote 10 for Bagel Bites over everything.
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (614 votes, average: 6.23 out of 10)
Loading ... Loading ...

By jordie posted January 27th, 2015 at 3:05 PM

GoDaddy Coming In HOT With Another Sexy Super Bowl Spot…Just Kidding They Tried To Be Funny With A Depressing Puppy Mill Commercial

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.


 
Um…why? When I first started a blog I went with GoDaddy because A) I had ZERO fucking idea what I was doing and B) I’m a sucker for mindless, American advertising. Little did I know GoDaddy spent 99% on ad dollars and contribute dick to their actual product and customer service, but still, can’t hate them for getting me and a million other saps through the door. But somebody needs to flunk back to Marketing 101 with this ad. Not only did they abandon what was working but they decided to go to one of the most depressing angles out there. Who wants to see puppies be being sold as objects? This is the advertising equivalent to Old Yeller being shot or Homeward Bound II shitting on the amazing first movie. Have a heart, GoDaddy.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
 

By smitty posted January 27th, 2015 at 2:15 PM

Barstool Sports & Life Podcast: Misery (We Drink Whiskey, Answer Questions And Discuss How Awful Things Really Are In Philly)

The only thing to cure a depression is a depressant. @Barstoolfranco, straight off a root canal, and I answer everything you degenerates throw at us while talking about how much life SUCKS right now.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN
 
 

Yet again, the only thing to cure a depression is a depressant. @Barstoolfranco, straight off a root canal, and I answer everything you degenerates throw at us while talking about how much life SUCKS right now. And it does. The Patriots and Seahawks are going for MULTIPLE Super Bowl titles while Philadelphians are stuck here with our collective dicks in our hands. It’s freezing, none of our teams are going to even sniff the playoffs until at least 2016 and I discuss how much money/dignity I’ve left at the casinos the past couple weeks. Our pet’s heads have fallen off a LONG time ago, folks, and their bodies are decomposing by the radiator. Sit back, relax and enjoy our misery.

Also, I am proud to announce we have joined the Liberty Broadcast Co. It’s a collection of Podcasts from Philly local radio guys, bloggers, writers, celebs – Basically a bundle of great, Philadelphia related talent talking about topics that are important to us. Check it out, there’s a LOT of awesome material to listen to on a weekly basis. Do it.
 
lbc

By smitty posted January 27th, 2015 at 1:25 PM

Guess That Ass

DRIPS sex.

d

Read the rest of this entry »

By john doe posted January 27th, 2015 at 12:40 PM

Does This Look Like The Face Of A Man Who Ejaculates Elephants For A Living?

There's no coming back in someone else's eyes once they find out you're Dumbo's Fluffer.

GERMANYElephants in captivity are becoming too inbred, so a German researcher has amassed a sperm bank of wild elephant semen for zoos to draw on. There’s just one small problem – sperm is not a commodity bull elephants give up lightly. A simple five-minute procedure, known as electro-ejaculation is performed. The biggest challenge in this somewhat eye-watering procedure is the powerful anaesthetic in the dart. This happens to trigger a muscle contraction that causes the elephant’s 1.5 metre long penis to retract into its cavity. “The problem is, in order to extract the sperm hygienically, we have to get the tip out and clean it,” explains Hildebrandt. Once this is achieved and the sperm is safely collected, it is immediately frozen, and later thawed out and tested for various elephant diseases. This is all part of Project Frozen Dumbo. There’s only one snag – no elephant has yet been successfully inseminated with sperm that has previously been frozen.

Kind of feel bad for this guy. The man probably went through 8 years of college to be a veterinarian or animal scientist he gets stuck at the bottom of the ladder jerking off elephants. The equivalent to a temp job in the scientific community. They should just wait 6 months till Lindsay Lohan starts doing this straight to DVD and collect the samples then. Like does this dude go home to his wife and kids and talk about his day at the dinner table or tell people he just met what he actually does? No way in hell. He has to cover up his actual work like he’s an agent the CIA. There’s no coming back in someone else’s eyes once they find out you’re Dumbo’s Fluffer. I mean, I hated my multiple jobs as a cubicle monkey before I got axed as much as the next person, but at least I could relate with other people. Who can this guy confide in after a hard days work of holding a yard and a half of animal dick while taking heavy loads to the face? Only Kim Kardashian truly knows what he’s going through. And even Ray J and the others didn’t cover her like these bull elephants are doing to this poor guy. I just imagine everyday being similar to when the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man drowned Walter Peck in Ghostbusters.

By smitty posted January 27th, 2015 at 11:50 AM
© 2015 Barstool Sports | Disclaimer | Copyright | Privacy Policy | Media Kit