Barstool Fantasy Football Week 7 Preview Brought To You By DraftKings

How'd that unknown Andre Holmes who we had ranked as #1 receiver overall do last week?

 
Like every week, I STRONGLY recommend listening to the Soundcloud than attempting to watch that video. Very choppy stuff. AND YES WE ARE AWARE BALES’ AUDIO IS SUPER SHIT. Nothing much we can do about it at this point. If you have any questions on what he was trying to say let us know and we’ll get back to you
 

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How’d that unknown Andre Holmes who we had ranked as #1 receiver overall do last week? Yup, that’s what I thought. Pretty self explanatory by this point. Myself and Fantasy Football guru and Draftkings Pro Johnathan Bales give you our thoughts, picks and sleepers for Week 7. IN JUSTIN HUNTER WE TRUST (again).

Any last minute fantasy questions? Shoot them at us @SmittyBarstool or @BalesFootball. Also, Jonathan’s got a really good package filled with insight for you Fantasy Football players. Doesn’t matter if you have a season long league or play cash games weekly, he’ll give you everything you need to know. Definitely check out his 2014 Weekly In-Season Package here. ALSO: Bales is putting his money where his mouth is. If your Draftkings Sunday Million team ends up better than his highest score, screenshot it and Tweet it over to him. You’ll be rewarded with his Fantasy Football Packages for the rest of the season.

Smitty’s NFL Spanks (2-1 last week, 12-6 overall)

Giants +6.5

Bills -4.5

Jax +4.5

By smitty posted October 18th, 2014 at 11:00 AM

‘How To Communicate With A Woman’ Taking You Into The Weekend

Hit the nail right on the head here, pun fucking intended.

Hit the nail right on the head here, pun fucking intended. Women. Don’t even try and help fix their problems. It’s all about listening and empathy because fuck trying to actually make things better.

Let’s have a weekend and pray you don’t get caught up in one of these conversations.

By smitty posted October 17th, 2014 at 5:00 PM

Friday Afternoon GIF City

And that's all she wrote.
g

 

This is our new feature on Friday afternoons during the Autumn. If you’re stuck in front of the computer at this point you deserve the most mindless, enjoyable material to help pass the time. So here it is: 10 or so random GIFS from the Internets to put the mind at ease for a couple minutes. Simple as that. Could be hot, funny, painful, new, old – whatever works. Enjoy.

Read the rest of this entry »

By smitty posted October 17th, 2014 at 4:05 PM

Cutest HS Touchdown Ever Features 8-Year-Old With Down Syndrome Juking And Jiving His Way To Paydirt

You can't hate on this kind of thing and still have a soul.

YouTube – Hats off to the Mosinee team for making a dream come true for Rhinelander’s honorary captain in the last game of the season. Gabe (an 8-year-old with Down syndrome) is the little brother of #84 and the Hodags biggest fan. Listen to the Mosinee fans join in the fun at the end and “chide” their players for not making the tackle.

Awesome stuff. You can’t hate on this kind of thing and still have a soul. But what is an 8-year-old doing on a high school football field? Does he have Up Syndrome? Good for him, but he probably shouldn’t playing with the big boys. It only takes one dick on the field to want to make an already good video go viral and launch the poor kid into orbit*.

*Is it wrong to think that would kind of be hilarious in one of these videos? Not saying it’s right, just to mix it up a bit. If I’m going to hell I’m taking all of you with me.

By smitty posted October 17th, 2014 at 3:15 PM

I Am In Awe Of This Handstanding Pug Pissing His Heart Out

Psh, anything you can do I can do better, Pug.

 
Mark that territory, Pug! From the Gold Medal worthy handstand to the Jimmy Dugan marathon piss, I am wholeheartedly impressed. Bonus points to defy gravity and still not give himself a Golden Shower. In one 1:16 video a toy with a heartbeat is doing two things better at the same time than I would ever do alone. I can’t even do a handstand in the pool or go in a urinal without getting super soaked on the splash back. This Pug’s going places.

Actually, scratch that. We got the walking on the front two paws down. Next stop: Olympics.
 

 

PS – Didn’t even notice while making the Vine how big of a shakeup my 225-lb splatter made. Solid 4.2 on the Rictor Scale. Notice our little guy Christmas decoration to the left. At least someone finally moved him.
 

 

And yes, it hurt as bad as it sounds.

By smitty posted October 17th, 2014 at 2:00 PM

Super Soccer Brawl With Flops And Flying Kicks Ahoy

Whole lotta Liu Kangs and flopping labias in this brew ha ha.

 

Ironic how the flops, the most anti-aggressive action in the world, essentially initiate the violence. Whole lotta Liu Kangs and dancing labias in this brew ha ha. The sucker punch at 1:10 followed by a kick to the head at 1:22 highlight the festivities. Throw in Jackie Chan coming in hot at 1:17 then running a 4.2 40 out of there and you’ve got yourselves a Futbol Fight.

Apparently this took place between two Argentinian teams. NEED our hero Alejandro Fantino calling the action.
 

By smitty posted October 17th, 2014 at 12:30 PM

Gotta Feel For This Poor Guy Who Was Never Taught How To Shit Properly

The definition of insanity at its finest.

poo

r/tifu – So I’m hoping a load of people are going to come out in support of me here but I’ve got that sinking feeling I may be alone in this.

Our toilet broke so I was in shopping for new ones and the sales person joked (no doubt for the millionth time) that I’ll want one that automatically puts the seat down after I’m finished with it. I ‘joked’ back and said if I didn’t have a wife I could save money and not buy one with a seat and I’d never have to hear women complaining about putting it down again. To which he gave me a strange look and said “but what about when you need to poop?”. I naturally pointed out that I’m a guy and therefore don’t put the seat down, I sit on the rim of the bowl. Several embarrassing moments later, I realize that I’ve misunderstood my entire life and that guys do indeed use the toilet seat. I left empty handed and red faced.

Thinking about it now, it makes sense. Especially how men’s restrooms have seats. But I just assumed it was a unisex/cost saving/oversight deal.
 

So this is making the rounds on the Interwebs today and whether it’s fake (99% chance) or not, it needs to be discussed just in case there are other lost souls out there. First off, shocker of the century this guy is single and has been sitting on the dried piss bowl his entire life. Never thought the two would correlate. But more importantly, is it possible for somebody to be this obtuse? How many times does he need to literally fall in before switching it up a bit and try a different strategy? The definition of insanity at its finest.

Only thing more crazy is if he thought Slatering was common place in society outside of a drunken dare. The ’90′s are over, no matter how good Mario Lopez still looks.

 

slater

By smitty posted October 17th, 2014 at 11:40 AM

Two Radio Hosts And Possible Grown Men Come Close To Throwing Down On-Air While Arguing About The Raiders

In their defense, just thinking about the Raiders stirs up bad emotions.

In their defense, the Raiders’ culture as a whole is like the Pink Slime in Ghostbusters II. Just thinking about the brand brings out the worst and negative in people.

I don’t know if that was The Doug or The Wolf saying “You wanna go?!?!?!”, but whoever the other guy was missed a big time opportunity. Just the fact their an Arizona sports station forced to discuss the Oakland Raiders shows they could use a little help in the ratings. Why not have a kerfuffle live on-air to stir up the pot? Beats the tits off of talking about the Coyotes on a daily basis.

By smitty posted October 17th, 2014 at 10:25 AM
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