Roy Halladay Just Virtually Blew Chase Utley To Planet Orgasm On Twitter

Go ahead and add some stickers to those tweets while you're at it.

So Chase Utely won his 5th Phillies Heart & Hustle award which prompted the retired Roy Halladay to gush his heart out to The Man via Twitter. Love ya but just go ahead and add some stickers to those tweets while you’re at it.

I really, really, really wish the Phillies won one with Doc. 2011 was the year, and he did all he could. What’s even worse, that 1-0 shot to the heart was sadly the last real game the Phillies ever played.

Also, that’s the first time I’ve thought about Scott Rolen in 5+ years. That is all.

h/t Geoffrey

By smitty posted July 22nd, 2014 at 2:45 PM

Reader Email: Is This Shirt A Tad Too Aggressive For The Gym?

Big dick coming through!
photo1

Reader Email: Most aggressive gym shirt ever?

Saw this dude at LA fitness in city, pretty aggressive for someone chest pressing 110lbs

100000% agree with the emailer. The fact he bought the shirt, cut off the sleeves and then struggles to put up 110lbs on the chest press machine is the trifecta of douche. If any one of those facts weren’t present then it may be a different story. Guy looks like he’s squeezing the entire turtle out of his ass putting up that weight. Arnold in his Pumping Iron prime could pull off a shirt of that caliber. Maybe Lou Ferrigno cause everyone just assumed he didn’t know what was going on anyways, but nobody else. If this went down at a Planet Fitness that fatty comforting Lunk Alarm would burst eardrums.

Is it a violation of gym wear?

Vote 1 for Guy Needs To Be Pumping More Iron To Get Away With That and 10 for How Else Is He Supposed To Let The Men Know He’s Packing Heat?

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (110 votes, average: 3.11 out of 10)
Loading ... Loading ...

h/t Sean

By smitty posted July 22nd, 2014 at 2:10 PM

Smokes Starring In Choose Your Own Adventure YouTube Videos Needs To Become A Daily Thing

Clear the schedule, there's a lot of Rabbit Holes to venture down.

Just like the books we all loved in middle school, but instead of rubbing one out because of the hormones it’s done out of choice and/or loneliness. Everything’s better as a choose your own adventure. Well, except in reality where there’s real consequences and every decision you make is the wrong one. But books, video games, TV – you name it. It’s great being in control of your own destiny when it doesn’t matter. How CYOA porn isn’t more popular I would never know. You get every option in the playbook and get the Win-win for all except for the girl who has to go through 100 different variations of fisting. You never know when your adventure will lead you to viewing someone getting Lobster’d by a bearclaw, but when it does, she’ll be ready.

And in case you failed to notice, Ana Cheria is an certified minx and a half:

By smitty posted July 22nd, 2014 at 1:20 PM

Guess That Ass

String cheese.

em

Read the rest of this entry »

By smitty posted July 22nd, 2014 at 12:50 PM

Of Course South Philly Smelling Like Cat Piss Is New Jersey’s Fault

So apparently South Philly has been smelling like the house of a single woman in her 40's who has become comfortable with the notion she is going to die alone.
piss

PHILLY – Last week, the Passyunk Post wondered where the pervasive cat urine smell in South Philly was coming from. There had been numerous anecdotal reports of it for a while now, but the smell was reported too widely to be from cats (or raccoons). The South Philadelphia readers of Albert Stumm’s site had plenty of ideas in the comments: dog parks, chemtrails, refineries, drunks urinating in the streets, meth labs, sewers and even cats after all. We may have an answer, and the “refinery” guess in the comments pretty much nailed it: The smell is likely from a New Jersey power plant. “We’re working diligently to try to pinpoint the odor, but it’s so difficult to determine the source because of so many chemical and industrial uses along the river,” a New Jersey Department of Environmental Protection spokesman told the Passyunk Post.

The Armpit of the US passing off stenches to other states is quite possibly the most New Jersey thing ever.

So apparently South Philly has been smelling like the house of a single woman in her 40′s who has become comfortable with the notion she is going to die alone. I personally haven’t had a whiff. I love S. Philly but then again the Italian in me isn’t strong enough to hang around the area to start fights over gold chains and Gravy. Personally I would’ve pinned the cat piss smell on the herds of homeless who have easy access to $3 Malt Liquor or the Phillies’ performance actually excreting an odor. But Jersey makes sense, too. Only thing that would make it more Garden State is if Springsteen farted it out and it was taxed. Not a good musk.

By smitty posted July 22nd, 2014 at 12:15 PM

How About This Tour De France Cyclist Who Actually Stopped Mid-Race To Chastise Hecklers?

Hey sensitive Sally, grow a set.

YouTube – French cyclist Thomas Voeckler stops mid race and abuses Dutch fans after being booed in Le Tour De France 2014. Stops halfway up the HC on the final climb of the day to Chamrousse from Saint Etienne.

What a flaming French pussy. Surprised he didn’t surrender the race right then and there. Hey sensitive Sally, grow a set. If you can’t handle a little boo’s coming from the rafters then you can’t handle the mental anguish of cycling up mountains for days and having your dick fall asleep from the seat cushion. Plus you’re a whizzing by a bunch of people at 40 mph and can barely hear what they say. It’s not like the negativeness is shoved right in your face and you’re required to deal with the adversity. If I stopped blogging every time somebody said my faggidy ass should die of AIDS in a fire there would be weeks in between posts. Grow the fuck up.

If he ever competed in Philly he wouldn’t make it 30 feet before having an emotional breakdown of the soul. And that’s before the snowballs and batteries get him. ZING!

By smitty posted July 22nd, 2014 at 11:25 AM

Is Jordan McRae The Steal Of The Century For The Sixers?

Maybe? Please?

CBS – “The Sixers walked away with seven new players following the NBA Draft. The team went into the draft with five second round picks and it’s looking like they got a real steal in Jordan McRae. McRae was a senior out of Tennessee and went with the 58th overall pick to the San Antonio Spurs before being dealt to the Sixers. Through Summer League action, McRae is making Sam Hinkie look like a genius as he’s been the leading scorer for the Sixers’ Las Vegas squad and the third leading scorer for the entire tournament. McRae has averaged 21 points per game in Las Vegas and has shown a real ability to be a first scoring option on a team. He proved that while at Tennessee. In his senior season, McRae scored 18.7 points per game while shooting just over 35 percent from beyond the arc.”

If you’re an NBA junkie like me, the Las Vegas Summer League has been can’t miss television. The Orlando Summer League isn’t nearly as fun because it’s basically a closed-door policy to everyone except NBA executives and select media members, but the Vegas league is an open door policy to anyone and everyone (tons of random black people). The funny thing is that summer league games are more about the random brilliance of individual players than the actual team play itself. Last year, 29 year old Adam Morrison put on an offensive clinic scoring 22 points of jump shots that seemed like they were torn out of the 2006 NCAA Tournament. Where’s Adam Morrison now? Nowhere, that’s where. He’s officially a retired American Basketball player (according to Wikipedia). So, you have to tread lightly. A majority of these performances are flukes. Jordan McRae’s performance over the past week is a little different. It has the feeling of a fluke, a perfect storm of scoring and athleticism, but if you dig a little deeper, it is the culmination of a fulfilled college career. McRae has played in over 100 collegiate games at U of T. Ignoring his freshman year statistics; McRae has never shot below 30% from 3 and evened out his assist-to-turnover ratio (slightly better than 1:1 during his senior year). He is a complete basketball player with exceptional athleticism who got lost in a loaded draft class; of course the Spurs grabbed him, before trading him to us (wink wink to Brett Brown). He’s a true long wing, like Danny Green and Kawhi Leonard, who can score off the bounce better than both of them can right now. In the past, the summer league has brought us some whacky performances, but I think Jordan McRae is legit. Our current roster:

PG- MCW
SG- James Anderson
SF- Jordan McRae
PF- Thad Young
C- Nerlens Noel

Bench: KJ McDaniel
Tony Wroten
Brandon Davies
Byron Mullens (gag)
Jason Richardson (did I just type that?)
Casper Ware (summer team addition)
Hollis Thompson
Dario Saric (maybe)
Jeremi Grant
Arnett Moultrie

By steveoooo posted July 22nd, 2014 at 10:25 AM

Cliff Lee Decided To Rip Ass On Reporters After Laying An Egg On The Mound Last Night

Did somebody step on a duck?

After giving up 6 ER and 12 hits in 5.2 innings in his first start in over 2 months, letting loose a wet one should be the least of Cliff’s worries if he’s trying to get out of town. Whatever. It’s not like we’ll end up getting much for him anyways. Let it rip, Clifton. That short burst of flatulence provided more excitement and energy than this team has put out in months.

In other news, the SF Giants All-Star RF known as Hunter Pence went 3-5 with 2 RBI’s and is batting .303 on the season. Remember when we gave up 4 players who will be starters in the big leagues to acquire Barry Pepper from the Astros then literally gave him away for next to nothing the very next year? That was fun.

I hate this team.

By smitty posted July 22nd, 2014 at 9:35 AM
© 2014 Barstool Sports | Disclaimer | Copyright | Privacy Policy | Media Kit