Soccer Streaker Gets A Clubbing And A Half From La Policia

This isn't a friendly game of tag where you can be a pussy and call "timeout" at will.

Whoa whoa whoa. I’m not saying he should have been clubbed like a baby Seal, but he deserved to be smacked for thinking everything would be cool if he gave himself up. Streaking: 101. This isn’t a friendly game of tag where you can be a pussy and call “timeout” at will. Once you’re on the field of play it’s forever kill the man without the ball or escape. No in between. Actually, he’s lucky a baton to the kisser is all he got. If they’re playing in a country where I’m going to randomly stereotype as the Middle East, people have lost a lot more for a lot less. If he stole a pack of gum before taking the field he’s not leaving the stadium with both of his hands.

By smitty posted October 23rd, 2014 at 4:15 PM

PK Subban in “Thriller” Costume is the Most Terrifying Thing I’ve Ever Seen

Between this look and the farting, you think anyone would ever want to find themselves going 1-on-1 into the corner with him?



Shit, meet pants. I’m petrified right now, scared completely stiff. If I was PK Subban, I feel like I’d just have to go to hair&makeup before every game and just stay in Thriller mode all season long. Between this look and the farting, you think anyone would ever want to find themselves going 1-on-1 into the corner with him? Yeah right, get real. Those eyes are the craziest thing I’ve ever seen, and are those PK’s actual hands? Those meaty paws are legitimate banana hands. Dude probably has a monster hang down. But yeah, this is terrifying and it’s also one of the most impressive Halloween costumes I’ve seen in a while. Gotta be honest, there’s something a little strange about a grown ass man going to these lengths just to play dress-up for Halloween, but it sure beats the hell out of that punk bitch Crosby throwing on a fedora and a black eye and calling himself Rocky.

The best Halloween costume I ever had was Scorpion from Mortal Kombat. 8-year-old me was way cooler than 2014 me. After that I just went on a tear and have been a cow ever since. May need to step up my game this year.

h/t Puck Daddy

By jordie posted October 23rd, 2014 at 3:20 PM

Update On The Smokeshow With Brain Cancer And Little Baby Charlotte

Well done, Stoolies. Well done indeed.



First off, I’d like to thank you, barstool, and all the stoolies for helping us this year. Fucking ridiculous how much money we raised in that 24 hour window.

We were able to make a $10,000 donation to charlotte’s family. My sister delivered the check to them last night. We will also be making a donation to someone I coach with at West Chester East, our D-Line coach’s wife, who has been recently diagnosed with breast cancer. And finally, a 3rd donation will be made to CHOP.

Please feel free to share with all those who donated, or simply keep to yourself….but one things for sure. We all made a difference in Charlotte’s life and when stoolies come together for the common good, shit gets done.

Thanks again bro.




So there you have it. All in all over $15K was raised in that 24 hours when the original blog was posted. If there’s one thing about Stoolies I pride more than anything else is we look out for and take care of our own. We’re a family here. We can bust each other’s balls to the ends of the Earth but as soon as an outsider takes a shot we’re all ready to fight. And, like #HELMETSTRONG (RIP), I’m happy to say one came through again. The goal was shattered to the point where other families were able to be helped, too. Well done, Stoolies. Well done indeed.

Please continue to keep Victoria and baby Charlotte in your thoughts and prayers. The GoFundMe page is still open, too, so keep on spreading the word for this great cause. No amount donated is too small.


By smitty posted October 23rd, 2014 at 2:20 PM

Kevin Kolb’s Concussion Symptoms May Not Be Worth The $47+ Million He Was Essentially Donated Playing Ball

Worth it in my already mushed mind.

SI – With concussions, sometimes you don’t know what is a symptom and what is not. But some symptoms are impossible to ignore. The ringing is like someone shooting a shotgun right next to my ear, every second of every day. It doesn’t go away. The sensitivity to light also has a profound impact. I’ll be in a business meeting indoors and have to politely ask to put on my sunglasses before the headaches and double vision start. But I can deal with those symptoms. The short-term memory loss is more difficult. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m just busy with a very full schedule and that’s why I can’t remember everything, or if it’s a concussion symptom.

I’m one of those “If you can’t handle the heat, get your ass out the kitchen and ESPECIALLY don’t take the paycheck” kind of guys. Would I take $47 million and risk the possibility of my brain melting every time someone shines a light in my eyes like the Sloth victim from Se7en? Absolutely, but I don’t speak for everyone.

Kolb gets a lot of crap for being an overpriced, overrated bum. If you’re solely looking at the statsheet then he fits the bust description perfectly. Nobody got more money for doing less than Corn On The Concussed Kolb. However, nobody really thinks about the shit he was/is going through because of the game. Could you sit in a cube with a fire alarm going off in your ear and be productive? Shit no. Imagine how Kolb felt while trying to memorize a playbook. And it’s not just him. Jim McMahon is only 55 and he can barely remember his own name let alone what he was doing just 5 minutes ago. May not be worth it to some people to play in the NFL and risk living their life literally in the dark.

Still…$47 million buys a lotta nice sunglasses. Worth it in my already mushed mind.

By smitty posted October 23rd, 2014 at 1:30 PM

Guess That Ass


Read the rest of this entry »

By smitty posted October 23rd, 2014 at 12:40 PM

The White Girl Pumpkin Spice Rap Isn’t As Bad As You Think…It’s Much, Much Worse

What do you get when you combine an annoying craze with a couple of hipster-fat white chicks trying to be funny?

What do you get when you combine an annoying craze with a couple of hipster-fat white chicks trying to be funny? This. This is exactly what you get. Watch it a couple of times and people are going to think you have Ebola as the eyes and ears start to bleed. Doesn’t look good when you steal your main chorus from the Pants On The Ground dude, either. That man is untouchable.

Not a lot going right in this video EXCEPT the somewhat cute broad coming straight out of left field with the rap at 1:12:



Haven’t heard a snowflake dominate that much since Greg “G-Reg” Olsen dropped multiple bombs on the 7th Floor Crew (6:10). Will never get tired of this jam:

By smitty posted October 23rd, 2014 at 12:15 PM

Mo’ne Davis Got Paid To Do A Chevy Commercial Directed By Spike Lee And It Won’t Affect Her NCAA Status…Wait, What?

So a 13-year-old that can't drive is advertising for a car in a commercial that celebrates Philly but is directed by one of New York's most iconic fans? Makes sense.

Actually a pretty tight 60-second spot featuring an incredible underdog story and the city that rallied behind her and her team…if it weren’t a freaking advertisement. So a 13-year-old that can’t drive is advertising for a car in a commercial that celebrates Philly but is directed by one of New York’s most iconic fans? Makes sense. I was also under the impression that young athletes, no matter the age or sex, were not allowed under NCAA regulations to accept payment for their likeness. Whatever. I love the Mo’ne Davis and Taney Little League story-lines, but that’s not going to change the face she’ll be throwing underhand full-time within 2 years. However, bet the bank on her starting on the UConn women’s basketball team. Geno’s already got her in the bag.

Screw it, I’m getting Lazaro’s for lunch now.

UNRELATED BUT RELATED: For some reason never I saw 25th Hour with Ed Norton, PSH and Barry Pepper until recently. I’m not a big “Spike Lee Joint” guy, but that movie was fucking boss.

By smitty posted October 23rd, 2014 at 11:20 AM

Man Films Swerving Driver For Miles Predicting Accident, Is Satisfied When Correct

"I knew it was coming!"


“I knew it was coming!” Nothing better than that feeling of being right. Well, maybe having the intuition to call the cops when they first noticed Helen Keller was behind the wheel, but that’s neither here nor there. The dude’s a modern day Nostradamous for predicting the car driving predominantly on the other side of a road would go boom.

Oh, and then there’s the seeing your life flash before your eyes moment. Shit, I would like you to meet pants. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.

By smitty posted October 23rd, 2014 at 10:25 AM
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