Barstool Philly Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Christina


(Re)-Introducing Christina from Downington before she set sail for SDSU and landing in Miami. Our Smokeshow today backed out last minute so we had to improvise. FIRE. You saw her featured on Barstool Gameday and expect to see more of her from now on, for all the right reasons. This girl has it all. Give her a follow on Twitter and Instagram and try to say hi before she gets too big and ignores you forever.

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By smitty posted November 25th, 2014 at 5:30 PM

Little Pup In Bear Outfit Decides To Walk On A Treadmill And Break The Internet


In all honesty if you get anything that looks like an Ewok and watch it tiptoe like this it’ll be I CAN’T EVEN. That includes Warwick Davis or any other common midgie dressed up and forced to move for our entertainment. If that’s the way you want to roll you just have to make sure the dwarves don’t run too fast. It’s game over once they hit they’re terminal velocity and burst into a thousand golden coins. But God only knows what treat his owners are dangling at the start of that treadmill. It should be part of the Geneva Convention to prove dog’s rewards are given to them. Might as well be wise and get video evidence. Seriously, GIVE HIM A TREAT!!!!

By smitty posted November 25th, 2014 at 4:30 PM

Joel Embiid Attempting The Cookie Challenge Will Go Down As The Brightest Moment Of The Sixers Season

The first win for the Sixers all year.


The first win for the Sixers all year. Possibly the only one they’ll have, too. A man who sounds that similar to the Cookie Monster but doesn’t let out a “COOKIES” at the end of a cookie challenge is a crime. I don’t care if he has the biggest dick in the room, you play with the talents God gave you. Give the crowd what they want.

Oh, and the Sixers are 0-14 and have a very good possibility of being the worst team in NBA history. They actually have a shot against the Nets at home tomorrow, but it’s all part of the plan. Tank it, baby. Tank it hard. CUE THE MUSIC!

h/t Corey

By smitty posted November 25th, 2014 at 3:35 PM

Nothing Like The Thrill Of A Great White Shark Ramming Through A Cage Trying To Swallow You Whole

Farewell and Adieu to you fair asshole tourists.

Off the coast of Mosselbay in South Africa, these tourists try shark watching when suddenly this shark tries attacking the cage!
Sweet Jesus, is that the Ikea brand of shark cages? The way that wire bent that Great White was another charge or two away from paydirt. This isn’t a game. I’m not talkin’ about pleasure boatin’ or day sailin’. If that shark had any heart like Bruce or the one that went off script and killed Samuel L. Jackson way too early in Deep Blue Sea then the water would be filled with chum. Even so, I’d require the world’s supply of Jack before stepping foot in that steel box of death. Cage go in the water. You go in the water. Shark’s in the water. Our shark. Farewell and Adieu to you fair asshole tourists.

And now we’re watching Jaws clips for the rest of the day. Talk about Thanksgiving week productivity.

By smitty posted November 25th, 2014 at 2:25 PM

The Dallas Cowboys Spent Their Bye Week, TWO WEEKS AGO, Preparing For The Eagles On Thanksgiving

The amount of real estate the Eagles own in that old Sith Lord's head would make Donald Trump envious.


LVL – Since beating the Tennessee Titans this past Sunday, the Eagles have maintained that they did not start worrying about the Dallas Cowboys and their Thanksgiving matchup until after the game was over. The Cowboys? They sound like they might be a little bit more prepared. “We prepared during our bye week for Philadelphia,” Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said to USA Today, “so we’ve got some hay in the barn.” Both the Eagles and the Cowboys face a short turnaround for this Thursday’s game, with the Cowboys facing an even shorter time frame due to their Sunday night game against the New York Giants. When asked on Monday about whether if he has spent anytime prior to this week preparing for the Cowboys, head coach Chip Kelly seemed confused at the idea of doing so.”Our bye week a few weeks ago?,” Kelly said. “Zero. We weren’t playing Dallas after the bye.”

Love it. Absolutely love it. The amount of real estate the Eagles own in that Sith Lord’s head would make Donald Trump envious. I’d venture to say this wasn’t Jason Garrett’s idea. That old bag of plantation owning bones just doing his thing to ruin another promising Cowboys season. First he’s ordering a limp Tony Romo to be put back in the game, now he’s calling the shots in practice, come December he’ll put on the pads himself. NOBODY overlooks games in the NFL in this day and age. This is the big leagues. Any team is capable of beating any other team on any given day. That’s the way it works, and it almost cost the Cowboys dearly. And I’m not too sure if this is a compliment to the Eagles or a total tap in the dick to the Giants. Possibly both.

For as much as I despise Jerry Jones, he does provide some solid quips. “We’ve got some hay in the barn.” Not even sure what that fucking means but it sounds awesome. I WANT ME SOME GLORY HOLE.

By smitty posted November 25th, 2014 at 1:30 PM

Bring Me Yasmani Tomas

So what’s the fucking problem here?

I’ve never seen Yasmani Tomas play baseball before. I didn’t scout him, didn’t check out his spray charts, heat maps or any of that other nerd shit that people in the know like to reference. I saw him run like one sprint and stretch in a workout on ESPN one time and there’s a few YouTube clips of him murdering baseballs off a dude who probably lives in a pueblo in Cuba. Don’t care that’s not geographically accurate and really don’t care that I, nor any other fan in the city, doesn’t know a thing about this guy. 5 years/95 million? Done. Sign me up. Bring me two while you’re at it.

I don’t want to read about risk/reward, or how there’s a certain amount of guesswork involved when it comes to Cuban players. And I definitely don’t want to read about stuff like this from writer Paul Hagen:

“While the Phils, who had a private workout with Tomas, still like his bat there are concerns about his defense. They now view him as more of a designated hitter-type player, the sources added.” Oh, they’ve cooled, have they? Fuck that. If the guy can hit a baseball over the fence 40 times a year then I don’t care about his defense. What’s more important is that plenty of smart baseball people have distinguished Tomas’ power potential as elite, and wouldn’t you know, his offensive skill set fills their greatest need.

Throwing insane guaranteed money at somewhat unknown international players may not be the best course of action for every team, but for the Phillies it should be the only course of action. There’s four things to consider here.

1)The Phillies need a young power bat to build around.
2)The Phillies minor leagues are shit. They have nobody who could possibly do what Tomas does.
3)The Phillies have a ton spending power and can afford to outbid most teams. International spending is the one place big market teams can still really flex its wallets.
4)Any player with similar power will demand more money and will be older.

So what’s the fucking problem here? When you need something and you have the resources to get it, then there’s no excuse not to get it. Let’s wrap this up.

By Rizzo posted November 25th, 2014 at 12:25 PM

Draftkiings Making Everyone’s Thanksgiving More Interesting With The $600K Guaranteed Wishbone Classic

With a cool $100K to first.


BAM! All you have to do is pick the players from just 3 games that will do the best and you’ll win straight cash homie. That’s it. Talk about one of your best days of all time. I already planned on getting smashed off Eggnog while watching the Eagles roll then go into a food coma until Christmas. But now I can do so AND win $100K? Greatest. Day. Ever. This Thanksgiving won’t be highlighted by my drunk Uncle declaring Prima Noctra on the neighbors. We might actually have some enjoyment in the household thanks to the Birds and Draftkings.

Contest Details:

-$600,000 Wishbone Classic Fantasy Football Contest
-Thanksgiving special contest
-Draft 1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 1 FLEX, and 1 DST from the Thanksgiving NFL games
-Choose your players from the Bears vs. Lions, Eagles vs. Cowboys, and Seahawks vs. 49ers games
-$20 to enter, $100,000 First Place Prize
-Top 5 places all win 5-figure prizes and top 8,150 places cash out
-Thanksgiving Day Only.


By smitty posted November 25th, 2014 at 11:20 AM

Steve Mason Makes 46 Saves And The Flyers Lose 1-0 To The Islanders In A Shootout

Just a real piss poor performance from everyone who doesn't wear #35.


Steve Mason had a terrible start to the season but over the past few games he’s been making a lot of progress. He’s tweaked up some things he wasn’t doing so well earlier in the season, has been controlling rebounds much better and has been using his stick a lot more. It’s been pretty enjoyable to watch, actually. Unfortunately, the rest of the Flyers suck. Mason put on a show last night against the streaking Islanders. The Isles probably should have stuffed home at least 3 goals in the first period alone but Mason stood on his head and stole a point in New York. The Islanders move to 5-0 on the season in the shootout while the Flyers, who mind you couldn’t score on Hextall’s kid son at practice move to 0-3. Makes me want to throw up all over my keyboard, and here are the other Flyers who make me want to vomit as well.

Oh and by the way, the Flyers got out hit 30-11 and out shot 46-21. Gross.

Matt Read
Typically I’m a big fan of Read’s play. He makes plays in the offensive zone and he sees the ice well. But nobody on the Flyers roster has been making me lose my mind more than Reader has over the past couple weeks in the defensive zone. I don’t know what in the hell is going on with his stick but he hasn’t been able to clear the zone cleanly yet this season. He makes horrible decisions with the puck and he also never seems to be in the right position defensively. That’s burned the Flyers for some goals against so far this year and I’m sure it’ll happen a billion more times this season if he doesn’t decide to figure it out.

Umberger and Vinny
Pretty sure you can’t find a single soul in the Philadelphia area right now who doesn’t despise these two men. It’s been over a month now since Umberger has registered a point and Lecavalier continues to be just as useless out there. It would actually be great if the both of them were invisible, but that’s not the case because they’ve been worse than invisible. If you couldn’t notice them at all out there at least they wouldn’t be driving me ape shit. But no, they have to go out and play like a bag of dicks and leave me the most confused I’ve ever been in my life with some of the things they decide to do with the puck.

Sean Couturier
Coots hasn’t been playing horribly by any stretch of the word, but he still looks like the least confident human being I’ve ever seen out there on the ice. There have been so many opportunities for him, not so much last night, to shoot the puck but he always seems to defer to passing. And last night’s shorthanded breakaway chance is indicative of how unsure of himself he is on his own skills. I get that Halak is a good goaltender and I get that you don’t bury every breakaway chance you ever get. But Coots looked like he knew he wasn’t gonna score the moment the puck got on his stick. Looked like he was about to shit his pants heading in on Halak and I’m sure the kid will end up having a strong season but as for now, he’s officially in Jordie’s dog house.

I don’t have anything to say here. It’s kinda sad how Laughton just got called up last week and he’s already in the shootout lineup. Goes to show you how much faith Chief has in everyone else’s hands out there, but can you blame him? Giroux put a pretty slick move on Halak but just wasn’t able to stuff it home.

The Flyers played like assjockies and wasted one of the best performances they’ll ever get out of Mason. Time to get ready for Black Friday.

By jordie posted November 25th, 2014 at 10:45 AM
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