JJ Watt Is Spending His Offseason Training Alone In A Secluded Log Cabin

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UltimateTexans – Watt rewarded himself and honored his MVP-caliber year with a very Watt-like move: A new log cabin in the “middle of nowhere” Wisconsin. “It’s really minimalistic,” Watt said. “The only thing I have to focus on is training and that’s the way I like it. There’s no frills, there’s nothing to distract you up here.” His description of his new offseason home: “It’s just an empty space and a log cabin and snow.” Watt plans to build a gym in his cabin’s barn. Other than that, his new offseason getaway will be comparable to his 2014 training setup, which found Watt sleeping in his friend’s dining room while he devoted himself to daily improvement. “It basically is who I am,” Watt said. “My friends said if we were to look at a house that’s you, (the cabin) is it.”

Boss. I think it may be physically impossibly to not like JJ Watt or want him on your team. He’s not only the best physical player in the league but has the perfect attitude to boot. He eats, sleeps and breathes football. No partying or playing grab ass on the side. Just the game. Plus the guy is more beast than man at this point. I can’t imagine what a couple months living with wolves and surviving off the land is going to do with his psyche. Or maybe JJ is simply training for a bout with Ivan Drago. It wouldn’t surprise me if he actually was.

By smitty posted January 31st, 2015 at 3:40 PM

Key & Peele Kill Them Some Richard Sherman And Marshawn Lynch Impressions

Solid. A Skittles and 20 “I graduated from Stanford” references away from perfect mimicry.

Also, it legitimately depresses me Richard Sherman was drafted in the 5th round. We’ll never get over the whole Earl Thomas debacle, but guess who was drafted by the Eagles ahead of Sherman in 2011? Danny Watkins, Jaiquawn Jarrett, CB Curtish March, Casey Matthews, K (I repeat, a KICKER in the 4th round) Alex Henery and Dion Lewis – who was selected 5 picks before Sir Richard. Fuck. Everything.

Oh, and Byron Maxwell was drafted in the 6th round of that very same draft. THANKS ANDY.

By smitty posted January 31st, 2015 at 1:10 PM

REMINDER: Tomorrow. Super Bowl. The Fieldhouse. Beer. Wings. Fun.

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The Fieldhouse is opening up their hearts to our misery to watch the Patriots or Seahawks win another Super Bowl. $35 unlimited brews and wings. Not gonna find a better deal than that around town. Plus there will be a stellar crowd at one of Philly’s best sports bars on 12th and Filbert. No reason to not come, say hi and get plastered with your fellow depressed Philadelphians.

Contact Maura at mpease@publichouseusa.com and mention Barstool to lock up your spots. BY PENNSYLVANIA LAW YOU HAVE TO RESERVE A TABLE TO GET IN ON THE OPEN BAR. So that’s kind of important. Also, be an American. It’s the Super Bowl. $35 all the beer and wings you can handle. And my gullet is going to bankrupt the place. No reason not to do it.

By smitty posted January 31st, 2015 at 12:00 PM

Encore Of The Most Cringeworthy Stand-Up Ever Taking You Into The Weekend

This was buried in the post about the emcee getting sucker punched to the moon, but Biceps deserves the right to stand out on his own. Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves.

Let’s have a weekend.

By smitty posted January 30th, 2015 at 5:15 PM

Draftkings $120K Guaranteed Fantasy NBA Crossover Is What’s Hot On The Streets, Baby

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By smitty posted January 30th, 2015 at 4:45 PM

Mick Foley Was A Bucket Full Of Meh At Wing Bowl, Got Tossed For Hiding Wings In His Fanny Pack

So we were at Wing Bowl last night/today and may need the next couple lives to recover. Lots of good footage, video coming soon, blah blah blah, but I wanted to touch on Mick Foley doing the definition of “Showing Up”. I don’t know what I was expecting. I’ll admit, I’m not the biggest wrestling guy in the world. If Nate were there he’d grab onto his leg like a leech and wouldn’t let go until Foley hired him as his full-time fluffer. To each their own. But this dude essentially came for 20 minutes, collected his paycheck, then went to whatever mobile home clothesline he took that shirt from. The man couldn’t even share his daughter with the masses. And I can’t exactly blame him for Irish Exiting out of there. By 8 am my legs were jello, the drunks were restless and the place smelled like the perfect concoction of puke and chlamydia. But still, I was expecting a little more out of this wrestling legend than showing up, doing a pre-arranged hack act and going on his merry way. Again, his daughter would have made a nice sacrifice to the savages in attendance.

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By smitty posted January 30th, 2015 at 4:10 PM

Friday Afternoon GIF City

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This is our new feature on Friday afternoons during the Winter months. If you’re stuck in front of the computer at this point you deserve the most mindless, enjoyable material to help pass the time. So here it is: 10 or so random GIFS from the Internets to put the mind at ease for a couple minutes. Simple as that. Could be hot, funny, painful, new, old – whatever works. Enjoy. 

 

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By smitty posted January 30th, 2015 at 3:20 PM

Wing Bowl 23: A Huge Clucking Success

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This morning while the majority of you were still waking up, Patrick Bertoletti ate 444 wings in a total of 26 minutes to set a new Wing Bowl all-time record. FOUR-HUNDRED AND FORTY-FOUR chicken wings in less than half an hour. I want to vomit just thinking about it. But once again, the Wing Bowl came through Philadelphia and once again, it did not disappoint. Our own horse in the race, Skin & Bones, made a valiant effort and cruised into the 2nd round but eventually hit the dreaded wall and couldn’t advance from there. I think I got a little too ahead of myself during the pre-game predictions.

There’s gonna be a full video of the event up on the site early next week, but let’s check out a few of the highlights right now. Not sure how they vote for Photo Journalism Pulitzers, but I’d like to throw my name into the mix here.


Everyone was hungry to be the Mayor of Titty City right from the get go, and this dude was no exception. When you’re at least 60 years old, wearing a chicken wing hat and chanting for tits before 6 am, you know you’re doing something right in life.

Eagles long snapper and local folk hero John Dorenbos showed up as the Special Guest Wing Bowl Commissioner. The Eagles may have ripped out the hearts and souls of Philadelphians everywhere this year, but at least Dorenbos knows how to not dress like a dickwad.

Speaking of dickwads, err.. I mean Eagles legends. Vince Papale was in attendance and was making everyone soaking wet thinking about Mark Wahlberg playing his character.

Here’s a couple of assholes rolling in with some Philly 11′s. Time to uptuck that boner you’re sportin’ there.

BUY YOUR “SHOW ME YOUR TITS” SHIRTS HERE. Seriously though, this was an A+ shirt that remained the top shirt of the day since the minute the gates opened.


Molly Schuyler was last year’s champion. The bitch is terrifying, a certified cannibal, and as @bigh0rt so kindly pointed out to me, she looks exactly like Steven Tyler. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Molly Schuyler, she’s this bitch.


She came in 2nd today after eating 440 wings. What an animal.

Bernie Parent showed up and was loving life. But the guest of honor was none other than Mankind himself.

So just to make this clear, in the past 24-hours Philadelphia has hosted both President Obama and Mick Foley. Care to talk any shit, you peasants?

Last but not least, my favorite moment of the night/morning was this.

I couldn’t get any video or photo evidence of it, but for all you Flyers fans out there, I’m sure you’ll appreciate it. Seeing Lou Nolan come one sliver away from tossing salad in person was a dream come true. What a guy. Also, there were plenty of titties being whipped around in the crowd. Some were good, some were bad. None were more supple than Feitelberg’s.

Actually, another last but not least. WIP kept showing this clip up on the jumbotron of Chris Christie falling out of his chair in their studio. File this under Vines to save for 2016.

By jordie posted January 30th, 2015 at 2:30 PM
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