Shiiiittttttt. I’ll have what they’re having and save it for the next time I’m forced to sit through a Phillies game or a general conversation with the/a woman. You can’t deny everyone in this video is having the time of their lives. It doesn’t even matter if these two statues been dead for hours and are like that because of Rigor Mortis. There’s no need to check for a pulse when you can give them sunglasses and start filming Weekend At Bernie’s III.
What do you do when your buddies are so stoned to beejeezus they literally just had a staring contest with Medusa? CHICKEN FIGHT!!!
Anyone who doesn’t think Rocky taking off from the foul line into the unknown is cute as fuck needs a gutcheck to their soul. Beyond presh. It must be nice to be able to get away with anything because you’re that adorable. That pup could have, and 100% did, take the dump of the century on that polyester 5 minutes before and he took flight and it’s cool. First and only time I did that we got the belt. Rocky knows he has his owners by the hearts and balls.
R. Kelly may need a new remix for Rocky believing too much.
source – Police in South Carolina cited a woman after she allegedly punched a neighbor nearly twice her age in the face for passing gas in her presence. According to the arrest report, Jessica Cerney, 33, was resting on the couch in her Myrtle Beach home Monday night when 64-year-old Darrell McKnight entered the house drunk and ‘passed gas’ in her face. Ms Cerney later told a police officer that she went outside the residence on Cedar Street trying to get away from her drunken, flatulent neighbor, but he followed her.
Nothing but love for this 64-year-old dude who decided to drunkenly stumble into this chick’s house just to rip ass in her face. Chances are Darrell McKnight is someone’s grandfather. Could you imagine getting the call that grandpa is in jail for getting hammered and giving the neighbor a quick little fart facial? Epic. And here’s the thing. Farting in someone’s face is always hysterical, but there has to be a level of pent up hatred that drives someone to do it. So my guess is Ms. Cerney over here was probably acting like a cunt (just trying out this whole c-word thing) for a few weeks leading up to this whole ordeal. She most likely deserved to taste the leftovers of grandpa’s dinner from earlier that night. But coming up swinging is totally justifiable in this scenario and the cops should have realized that. Someone farts in your face, you duke it out for a little, and then you move on. There shouldn’t be any legal ramifications to follow. At least not in America.
Or is it another ALS challenge? I don’t even know anymore. All I do know is I could listen to this little maniac all day but could never be in the same room as him. The urge to wrestle and/or toss would be too great. Verne would be halfway to the moon before he could have a chance to jump back into his Fischer-Price scooter.
Is that barb wire tat? Wise move going with a douche tat. Definitely takes some of the attention off being fun-sized.
PS – Desmond Howard. Really didn’t see that one coming.
Gotta Tip Your Cap To This 101-Year-Old Coot Who Has Been Working The Same Job For The Past 73 Years
NJ – Herman “Hy” Goldman turned 101 this weekend and won’t quit after 73 years working at the same New Jersey job. Goldman still shows up four days a week at light fixtures company Capitol Lighting in East Hanover. His co-workers celebrated his birthday with him on Monday. Aside from a brief absence to serve in the U.S. Army in World War II, Goldman has worked at Capitol Lighting since 1941. The store says he was first hired to sell items and stock and clean the displays. Co-worker Sandy Ronco says Goldman now specializes in rebuilding items that were damaged or unusable. Goldman lives nearby and still drives himself to work in a 1999 Ford Contour.
Hy you old sailor you!
I’ve been fired from more full-time jobs in a month than Herman Goldman’s had in a lifetime. Most normal people want to waltz out after taking a dump on their bossman’s desk through 73 days and here’s Herman bringing in the lunch pail for 73 years. Can you imagine doing anything day in and day out for that long? Absolutely impossible with the attention span of today’s generations. Anything and everything loses it’s luster. I LOVE playing Mario Kart but after 4 hours it gets a ‘fuck it’ after winning becomes monotonous. Even blowjobs get mundane if it’s from the same toothy hooch on a regular basis. And here’s Herman still replacing light bulbs every single day with what I think is a smile on his face. Loving life even though I guarantee it takes him 2 hours to drive the 2 miles to work and it’s a toss up whether he falls asleep or shits himself every time he sits down.
Here’s to another 73
hours years, Hy.
Walter White, Jesse Pinkman And Elaine Star Star In Pawn Show Knockoff Featuring All The Inside Jokes You Can Eat
Tim Watley and Elaine back at it! Hopefully this time she’ll heard him ask her out and eventually he won’t re-gift her label maker. Gotta love the Los Pollos crap in the background and, fake or not, that’s a whole lotta dip-spit in that bottle Pinkman’s holding. Him and Feits should get together and exchange war stories about the time they couldn’t find a spitter in church and had to go the hand to girlfriend’s purse route.
This Emmy Preview came out yesterday at this time and already it has over 2.5 million views. Unreal. You film Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul in chemical suits watching paint try for 12 hours and people will still religiously watch. Have Saul Goodman, Hank and Mike in the background playing solitaire and it’ll shatter the Internet. Fuck Skylar. That walking cunt muscle doesn’t deserve any more airtime.