Barstool Fantasy Football Week 8 Preview With FF Guru @BalesFootball (AUDIO FIXED)

 
Like every week, I STRONGLY recommend listening to the Soundcloud than attempting to watch that video. Very choppy stuff. If you have any questions let us know and we’ll get back to you
 

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

 

Golden Tate had that Golden Taint last week. If you listened to us you would’ve known that. Pretty self explanatory by this point. Myself and Fantasy Football guru and Draftkings Pro Johnathan Bales give you our thoughts, picks and sleepers for Week 7. IN JUSTIN HUNTER WE BUST (finally).

Any last minute fantasy questions? Shoot them at us @SmittyBarstool or @BalesFootball. Also, Jonathan’s got a really good package filled with insight for you Fantasy Football players. Doesn’t matter if you have a season long league or play cash games weekly, he’ll give you everything you need to know. Definitely check out his 2014 Weekly In-Season Package here. ALSO: Bales is putting his money where his mouth is. If your Draftkings Sunday Million team ends up better than his highest score, screenshot it and Tweet it over to him. You’ll be rewarded with his Fantasy Football Packages for the rest of the season.

Smitty’s NFL Spanks (1-2 last week for the first losing wk this year, 13-8 overall)

Eagles +2.5

Texans -.5

Bears +6.5 (Moneyline it if you got the nuts, unfortunately my sack is tucked back)

By smitty posted October 25th, 2014 at 11:45 AM

Old People React To Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda Taking You Into The Weekend

Melvin gets it.

RV to Happy Valley time. Let’s have a weekend.

By smitty posted October 24th, 2014 at 5:05 PM

Friday Afternoon GIF City

gf

 
Our new feature on Friday afternoons during the Fall. If you’re stuck in front of the computer at this point you deserve the most mindless, enjoyable material to help pass the time. So here it is: 10 or so random GIFS from the Internets to put the mind at ease for a couple minutes. Simple as that. Could be hot, funny, painful, new, old – whatever works. Enjoy.
 

Read the rest of this entry »

By smitty posted October 24th, 2014 at 4:35 PM

Nothing But Respect For The Swaggiest Bank Robber Of All Time

bankrobberswag

 

ROCHESTER, N.H. — Rochester police responded to a robbery at the Bank of New Hampshire on North Main Street Thursday. The robber, a male, was wearing a zebra print dress. He got away with an undisclosed amount of money.The robber is described as a white male approximately 5-foot-5 to 5-foot-9.He was wearing a light colored hat or bandana, black rimmed glasses, white shirt and a zebra print dress with a black overcoat. Police say he was also wearing tan nylons over his head.

It takes some gigantic balls of steel to head into a bank wearing that and just assume you can get away with robbing the joint. This has to be one of the top 5 cockiest moves on the planet. Gone are the days when a thief could just waltz out in the middle of the night in a black sweatsuit, pull a black ski-mask over his head and head down to the nearest PNC. Nope, not anymore and it’s all because of this fashion icon right here. Never has a bank robber looked so hot before. Get this man a runway and get him there stat. I’m not even sure why this dude was out robbing banks to begin with. If you’re wearing a zebra print dress, you obviously have a shit ton of money at your disposal. Zebra is the furthest thing from poor people shit. Was probably just doing this for the fun of it. He decided to ditch the old and played out ski-mask for a snazzy bandanna which really pulled the whole look together. And as much as I’m opposed to the hipster glasses, our guy right here really has the bone structure to pull them off so we’ll call this one no harm no foul. All I’m saying is that if you have any intentions of robbing a bank from here on out, just know that the bar has been set and it’s been set a thousand feet in the air. Dress to impress and get away with the crime. It’s easy to do one, but it takes a real special talent to accomplish both.

By jordie posted October 24th, 2014 at 3:40 PM

Pat Gillick Thinks The Phillies Will Suck Forever

phils

“We haven’t won with this group, so consequently I think you’ve got to change the mix,” Gillick said.

Well, maybe not Sandlot style “For-ev-er”, but close enough. You probably heard Phillies CEO Pat Gillick yesterday discuss his belief that the Phillies are essentially dicked for the foreseeable future. But that quote above didn’t get come from his interview with CSNPhilly’s John Clark—it came after blowing up the team during the summer of 2006 when he traded the face of a group of talented but underachieving group, Bobby Abreu, to the Yankees.

“Realistically, I think it’s a stretch to think that we’re going to be there in ’07,” Gillick said. “I think probably right now, it’s going to take longer than that. We’ve got some younger people in the pitching staff, especially, that we’re going to plug in. With young people you have inconsistency, so it’s going to take time to get their feet on the ground. I think it’s probably going to be a little slower.”

His tone then was eerily similar to his tone yesterday in which both times he took a shit on any hopes of a quick turnaround.

Of course, Gillick was wrong back then as the team found a spark plug in eventual all-star Shane Victorino and quickly exceeded expectations on its way to five straight division titles, two National League titles, and a World Series win. But there was one major difference in 2006– that the team was filled with a core of quality young players trending upward. Gillick believed those core players just needed more time. Fast forward to 2014 and that same core group of players is now out of time.

“I think where we are right now, it’s probably a couple years. I wouldn’t think ’15 or ’16, I don’t think is in the cards. I think somewhere around 2017 or 2018.”

It actually amazes me how some fans have taken issue with Gillick’s comments. I mean I guess you could hold out hope again that Gillick is wrong again, if you’re totally fucking delusional and that Grady Sizemore signing did something for you. Some have reacted with a simple “no shit—this team is completely fucked,” but there are still a good deal of fans who are some reason upset with the CEO. My question is—why?
Pretend for a second the free agent market isn’t complete dick. Comcast television money and big spending power isn’t going to overcome a lineup devoid of talent and a slew of bad contracts that have paralyzed the team’s ability to shed dead weight and reload with talent.

The ire shouldn’t be directed that Gillick simply said what everyone should already know—it should be directed at Ruben Amaro Jr. and the rest of the team’s decision makers who could have started this process two seasons ago. Now they enter an offseason with an overpaid closer nobody wants, an overpaid first baseman nobody wants, an aging middle infield, and aging catcher, a $25 million pitcher whose arm doesn’t work, and a stud pitcher who’ll be in his mid 30s by the time team is any good if the CEO is right.

Holy shit. Pass the Tylenol.

By Rizzo posted October 24th, 2014 at 2:50 PM

GIANT. WOLF. SPIDER.

A whole lotta NOPE right here. That being said, black people around anything remotely frightening will never not be funny. They try to kill it bootleg fireworks and we’ve got ourselves some viral gold. But it really bothers me that this looks and sounds like it’s filmed in America, but it isn’t. It can’t be. I base my entire life on the fact that stuff like this only exists in the Amazon, Australia or outer space. Damn thing looks like it could grab your face and not let go until Sigourney Weaver becomes hot again.

By smitty posted October 24th, 2014 at 2:00 PM

Nick Foles ‘What The Hell’ Remix Is FIRE

 
SUPERNOVA WHITE DWARF FLAMES IN YOUR FACE. Actually quite the catchy tune. A real humdinger. Because there’s nothing like the whitest person in the NFL on Earth dropping fake beats and for the first time not using H-E-Double Hockeysticks. Nicky goody two shoes is breaking his shell.

Oh, and in case you didn’t realize, the Cardinals are also 5-1. With the Cowshits an NFL best 6-1 and Arizona in the same conference (tiebreaker thinking), this is a bigger game than you might think. GET PUMPED.
 

By smitty posted October 24th, 2014 at 1:10 PM

Anyone In Happy Valley Want To Help Out Barstool This Weekend?

psu

 
Playing D-III football in college isn’t all about the glory, women and fame like they make it out to be in the movies (has anybody actually wasted money on making a film about Division 3 football outside of maybe a story on Mount Union?). Actually, there were parts that really sucked. And one of the worst parts about it is we were always playing (and losing) on Saturdays. All of us are HUGE football fans, so we feel like we missed out on experiencing the tailgates, games and overall atmosphere a powerhouse football program has to offer. So each Fall my college buddies and I RV it to a big time collegiate football school for a game to make up for what we missed on Saturdays. Every year we always dream big of going to the Iron Bowl, the Big House, or drive down to West Virgina to mix in some moonshine…and every year it’s a “Fuck it, let’s just go to Penn State. It’s easier.”

The RV life begins at 2pm today and won’t stop until Sunday morning when the shitter’s full. Also, my thoughts about Penn State’s cult have been well documented, and now it’s time to go into the Niteny Lion’s den. If he dies, he dies. We had a video planned tomorrow but the camera guy had an issue last minute and can’t make it, along with his equipment. That’s where a soldier in Blue & White must step up and rise the ranks. If there is anyone in PSU with a decent camera, mic and knows somewhat how to use both, we need your help. You’ll be rewarded* handsomely for your efforts and get to experience what a third-class video production is like in the real world. It would only be for about 2 hours during the day tomorrow and you only need to shoot the footage, we’ll handle the editing. I hope.

If you think you’re up for the job Tweet at me @SmittyBarstool. Don’t email into the tips as I will be completely off the grid/blacked out by 3 today and even using the phone will be like a chimp attempting to navigate the space shuttle.

*You’ll get credit for the video and be paid in Barstool stickers, which is essentially my weekly salary.

By smitty posted October 24th, 2014 at 11:50 AM
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