WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS.
6 years today most of us enjoyed the only championship parade during our lifetimes. Since 1983 there have been 123 titles given out in the 4 major sports (-1 for the 1994 strike year which the Expos would’ve taken down, anyways), and Philly has only 1 celebration to show for it. This was it, and dammit did we paint the town literally red. FUCK OFF BOSTON AND YOUR 80 PARADES A YEAR. Spread the wealth around a little.
Still one of my favorite spontaneous videos ever. Will’s probably in 2nd grade now ready to be a Stoolie:
This is te last Halloween prank video that will be posted on this site and it straight sucks until little, legless Deion Sanders no-steps his way into the parking lot. That thing’s running a legit 4.3 40 on those stumps. Freaking Oscar Pistorus without the blades or murder under his belt. And I know what you’re thinking, why not stand up to that thing and punt it to the moon? No fucking way. If he’s got enough power to go from 0-60 in 5 seconds he definitely has enough vertical in him to bite your face off. No thanks.
This is our brand, spanking new feature on Friday afternoons during the Fall. If you’re stuck in front of the computer at this point you deserve the most mindless, enjoyable material to help pass the time. So here it is: 10 or so random GIFS from the Internets to put the mind at ease for a couple minutes. Simple as that. Could be hot, funny, painful, new, old – whatever works. Enjoy.
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So this is going semi-viral right now. Um, yeah…giving any sort of oral tips to a toddler isn’t cool. He REALLY shouldn’t have put it on YouTube, let alone recorded the video. I would get it if the wife was there and you had someone to joke around with or, most likely, piss off. But one on one he might as well be dishing it out in a Pedobear outfit. At least don’t put the cart before the horse and give better advice, like get the freaking toothbrush out of your mouth to begin with. The mouth is for food and food ONLY.
Pretty standard at this point. You have any questions about your season long leagues or Draftkings weekly lineups this week? Either leave them in the comments, email into Phillytips@barstoolsports.com or Tweet them at myself @SmittyBarstool or NY Times Fantasy Football Writer/Guru/Pro @BalesFootball. I’ll put in my two cents before Bales shoots down my dreams and overall lifestyle and gives you the correct advice. Last week we were HEAVY on the Brady to Gronk combo while showing some love for Brandon Cooks as a value play. How’d that work out for everyone?
Link to video if this one shits itself per usual
Snakes + Canadians = Shitstained pants. That fucker could have been a baby garden snake and most of these guys would still have nightmares. But it legitimately disturbs me how slow Giroux reacts to almost getting bit in the dick by a King Cobra. The Captain needs to have a Spidey Sense for these sort of things.
Surprised nobody went full Tyrone on the snake and booted the cooler to Kingdom Come. Perfect instinctual reaction to getting the piss scared out of you.
Come on, man. The one day a year girls are not judged for dressing like a super tramp and Katy Perry pulls a stunt like this. How much cold hard cash did Frito-Lay dish out to have her dress up like a Cheeto? Because America will double it. Get a GoFundMe set up for her to dress up like that mermaid from Splash before she joined the mainland and it’ll raise enough to cure cancer. Going topless is a perfect costume. It’s borderline blasphemous to dress up like a edible orange dildo when you have the goods like this:
Katy must have used up her costume idea over the Summer when the singer got her eyebrows bleached. WOOF.