Was watching Netflix last night and happened to throw on some random Rowdy Roddy Piper documentary (been watching a lot of They Live lately) and within 20 minutes my love of wrestling was totally rekindled. Not saying I’m about to start DVR’ing Raw and try to catch up to what is going on now, but it just made me remember all those Monday Nights and PPVs where I really cared and was really into the action all while really knowing it all was fake as shit.

We were heavy into pro wrestling when I was younger. Started as a kid watching on Saturday mornings and ended up as a sophomore in high school standing in line at the ECW arena talking about heel-turns and forehead blading. Buying Japanese wrestling games off the internet and almost murdering my friend’s little brother by fucking up an above-ground pool power bomb. All in all: I had a good time following wrestling when I did, and have a general idea of what I’m talking about.

So here’s my top 5. Given I haven’t watched wrestling in a MINUTE, so my choices are all historical. Disagree if you want, but I would think you’d get tired of being wrong:

Honorable Mentions:

The People’s Elbow – Pure showmanship. That’s the reason The Rock is one of the greatest wrestlers ever. Sure the move itself was complete fucking nonsense, but that’s what makes pro wrestling great. Plus it was always hilarious to hear Jim Ross’ neck waddle while explaining how accurately The Rock’s elbow landed on his opponents solar plexus.

Powerbomb – Probably the most performed wrestling move since Hogan’s shitty Leg Drop.  I liked Kevin Nash’s Jackknife Powerbomb the best, mostly because he called it a “Jackknife Powerbomb”

Awesomebomb – Like a Powerbomb, but more Awesome.

Choke Slam – Too many guys to name. Another backyard favorite.

Sweet Chin Music – I still know Shawn Michaels’ theme song by heart and every once in a while it pops into my head. Always scared I’ll be in some quiet public place and end up mumbling the lyrics to myself. CRAZY gay.

Top Five

#5 – Frankensteiner – Didn’t that walking steroid Scott Steiner invent the hurricanrana? That’s why it’s here. Everybody swaggerjacked this dude and pretended like it wasn’t his finishing move.  At one point in his career the dude was just a ball of weird muscles and testosterone, yet could STILL get up and Frankensteiner your ass.

#4 – Van Daminator/Van Terminator – Rob Van Dam is/was one of the most physically gifted wrestlers ever. Dude could pull off all the aerial shit and was strong enough to do power moves. Plus he generally didn’t care much about his body and always put on a hell of a show. This move was apparently banned from WWE but I remember this during the ECW days. Chairs to the face? Chairs to the face.

#3 – The Razor’s Edge – Hey yo, Chico. Ju’ thin’ I won’ have dis on mah list causssof a litt’e Latino stereotype? Aye, ‘den you don’t know the Bad Guy. Real talk though: Scott Hall is a huge fuckup but Razor Ramon was that dude.

#2 – Stone Cold Stunner - I wasn’t even a fan of Stone Cold like that. I was always into the heels and bad guys so this douche’s beer stunts just seemed like a watered-down Sandman act. But the move was legit and was totally better than the Diamond Cutter. Like 45% of the kids in America got Stunner’d within a 5 year window because of this move.

#1 – The Sharpshooter – Fuck what you heard, the Sharpshooter is king. Bret Hart was the motherflippin man back in the day, and if homey had you in the Sharpshooter it was curtains. Unless you started dragging him towards the ropes but that was always stupid. This submission was the ultimate They-Said-Don’t-Try-At-Home-But-I’m-Totally-Trying-It-At-Home wrestling move. Hurt like a bitch, too. The best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be.  Hitman Hart all day.

A million more I could have honorable mentioned, but who else did I forget?