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Mo,

So my girlfriend and I were taking a roadtrip down to our Palm Beach vacation when we decided to stop by a Chik-Fil-A for some grub in the middle of no-wheresville Florida. I stop into the restroom to take a piss when I’m waiting for this man and his two kids to finish washing their hands. The dad tries to get them out quickly but the younger kid lingers (probably about 5 or so). He’s looking at me through the mirror kinda contemplating. For background, I’m an asian born in Pittsburgh and raised in NYC but you know with the slanty eyes I look um asian. Anyways this kid looks at me through the mirror and starts whisper-singing that gangnam style song to my face (“Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is Gangnam style”… old news like tebowing I know but it’s Florida so there’s that). His redneck dad realizes what’s going on and practically drags the kid out of the restroom. So I get back to my table and tell my gf what just happened and she thinks it’s the fucking funniest thing in the world. Wants to call all her friends and tell them about it. Thinks it’s “cute”. I tell her I wanted to drop-kick the kid in the face right then and there and that I would powerbomb the next kid that ever did that to me, prison be damned. As the token black barstool writer I thought I should ask you: is it racist? Who’s right me or my gf? Should I Steve Nash powerbomb the next kid that gangnam styles me? Isn’t it like singing the macarena to a latino’s face (is it racist)? Like singing YMCA to every gay guy’s face you see?

-Dan

Absolutely one of the most hilarious descriptions of underage racism I’ve ever heard. Little man Gangnam Style’d you in a Florida bathroom? I didn’t even know we could do that!

Of course…we can’t. Because it’s racist. But here’s the thing: there’s an explicit difference between little kid racism and adult racism.

Adult racism is ugly. It’s mean-spirited, petty, ignorant, and usually the last-ditch effort of some small-minded person who’s lacking the vocabulary necessary to otherwise win a dispute. It’s one of the worst things a human can do to another human because it shows our inherent stupidity as a species.

Having said that — little kid racism is much different. Sure there are historical examples of really vile little kid racism like those bastards in tiny Klan sheets shouting the N word with dad back in the 50′s and 60′s knowing damn-well what it meant, but most little kid racism is innocent and light and lacking in any understanding. Children don’t yet know the proper boundaries. It takes years to learn proper racism etiquette such as politely whispering your racist comments in a friend’s ear or creating codewords for each race that sounds like you’re only talking about sports (Browns, Redskins, Vikings, etc).

So young’n Gangnam Style’d your ass in a Florida Chick-Fil-A bathroom, huh? Seems borderline, honestly. For one you said he lingered behind and contemplated before he busted out the Heyyy sexy lady which is definitely fishy. If he didn’t know it was against the rules he wouldn’t have hesitated. To me, little PSY knew that he shouldn’t do it but did it anyway because 1) you’re Korean 2) Gangnam Style is Korean and 3) God knows when he’ll have this chance again. On a scale from 1 to Tiny Klansman, this is about a 6.

So sorry, Dan…I’m with your girl on this one. Even though the kid will probably turn into some b-hole alcoholic whose hobbies include beating his wife and noodling, he’s a kid now so it’s funny as hell. He wins and you can’t do anything about it because he’s a child and literally doesn’t know any better.

PS – Macarena? Everybody knows go-to racist song to Latinos is either Livin’ La Vida Loca or La Bamba.