PFTAs the Eagles continue the methodical counterclockwise swirl around the porcelain, the man most likely to be the first to lose his job is trying to save the man who hired him. Eagles defensive coordinator Juan Castillo, the surprise choice to replace Sean McDermott given that Castillo had been an offensive line coach for well over a decade, claims that coach Andy Reid is working hard to turn around the train wreck in Philly. Per Les Bowen of the Philadelphia Daily News, Castillo said Thursday that Reid is working 20 or 21 hours a day, and sometimes 22. First of all, no one works 20 hours per day for more than one or two days at a time. It just doesn’t happen, despite the desire by many head coaches (cough . . . Jon Gruden . . . cough) to create the perception that they defy all human functions and instincts to continue to grind away, thereby making them somehow better than their peers. Second, if Reid truly is working that hard and the result is a team with a 3-6 record, Reid’s not working very smart. Third, the hours worked simply don’t matter. If a team is losing, there’s no partial credit for effort or preparation. No trophies are given for anything other than championships, regardless of the amount of time spent working or money saved under the salary cap or players signed umpteen years into the future.

5:00 am – Wake up
5:30 am – Breakfast
6:00 am – Film Study
6:15 am – Film Study Snack
7:00 am – Snack Break
8:00 am – Find 3 Excuses to Tell Jeff
9:00 am – Mid-Excuse Pre-Lunch
10:00 am – Inspirational Team Speech
10:30 am – Post-Speech Hoagie
11:00 am – Pre-lunch Hot Pocket
11:15 am – Heart to Heart with DeSean
11:30 am – Urbandictionary.com to Figure Out What DeSean Said
12:00 pm – Lunch
1:00 pm – Catered Post-lunch Coaches Meeting
1:45 pm – One on Juan Defensive Meeting with Castillo
2:00 pm – Churro Break
2:15 pm – Grumble Four-Word Answers to Media
3:00 pm – 3 O’clock Pillow Scream
3:30 pm – Post Scream Ice Cream
4:00 pm – Fuck with Spadaro
5:00 pm – Shop Online for 5XL for Hawaiian Shirts
5:30 pm – Pre-Dinner Steak
6:00 pm – Dinner
7:00 pm – Cry on Toilet While Texting Donovan
7:45 pm – Satisfy Random Craving For S’more-flavored Pop Tarts
8:30 pm – Film Study
9:00 pm – Man Vs. Food is on!
10:00 pm – Design 3 new Goal line Trick Plays
11:00 pm – Emotional Breakdown While Staring at GB Super Bowl Ring
11:15 pm – Post-Emotional Breakdown Pot Pie
11:45 pm – Nap
12:00 am – Fourthmeal
1:00 am – Ignore Incoherent Vince Young Voicemails
1:30 am – Eat all the Run Plays
2:00 am – Sigh Heavily to Self
3:00 am – Sleep