DMColombia may decriminalise the use of synthetic drugs, including ecstasy, as part of its plans to tackle social problems caused by its widespread drug problems. The proposal by Justice Minister Ruth Stella Correa could replace laws which ban cocaine and marijuana, although people are not prosecuted for possessing small amounts. Politicians are considering the legislation as a way to curb both drug use and trafficking in the country. The nation has long been a major exporter of drugs, although cocaine production has dropped significantly in recent years, and has suffered countless murders and widespread political instability as a result of the powerful cartels who control the incredibly lucrative cocaine trade. Last year former Justice Minister Juan Carlos Esguerra said: ‘It is indisputable that there are concerns in Colombia over the advancement of drug addiction in schools and universities.

Whoever is doing Columbia’s PR needs to be fired so I can step in and change the world’s opinion of that place. Doesn’t even matter than I can’t speak Spanish or point out Columbia on a map. I have the plan. Here’s what you do: market Columbia as the Amsterdam of hard drugs.

Every stoner in the world wants to make the pilgrimage to Amsterdam like it’s some kind of marijuana Mecca…why not create that same level of excitement for cokehead models, meth addicted rednecks, and black guys sweatin their asses off while high on molly? All it takes is the right spin and advertising. Sure they could probably just go to Portugal and do drugs with no criminal penalties there, but who wants to learn fucking Portuguese? Nobody.

With the right level of careful brand management substance abusers all over North America will be telling stories of doing coke on Spring Break with a one-armed gangster named Carlos or how great it feels to shoot automatic weapons while rolling your face off. Just gimme my chance and I’ll turn Columbia in Vegas’ strung-out cousin.