Sure, everything about normal modern American culture says that a father shouldn’t whip his child in the legs and ass with a leather belt because he has shitty form when playing catch in the back yard, but how many normal people do you think play in the majors? That’s right — zero. Every one of those guys is either an extraordinary athlete or gifted pitcher or a dude that simply worked until he was one of the best in the world. Now it’s obvious little man doesn’t fall naturally into one of the first two categories…so what was dad to do? NOT whip his child into an international baseball superstar? NOT push his son past his limits so he’ll be able to get past plateaus like “can’t throw” and “can’t catch”? Exactly. In short: Oscar should have minded his goddamned business.

Like I was beat as a kid — not a lot — but on occasions when I was obviously out of pocket and needed to be reminded who was in charge and why. So maybe throwing like a girl isn’t one of those situations for you, but this dad’s son is gonna be a baseball star — he just doesn’t know it yet. Plus dad already laid down like 300 bones on the glove and the cleats and the local baseball league, he’s not just gonna sit by and watch his son get punked by the other 4th graders. It wouldn’t be fair to the kid. This hurts dad a lot more than it hurts the kid. You know…probably.

Twenty bucks says Oscar got laid the fuck out.