ArbroathA 73-year-old woman faces drunk driving charges after crashing while on her way to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in Boulder, Colorado. Police say Brenda Geers hit an 18-year-old college student as she crashed into the St. Aidan’s Episcopal Church. “We just express our sorrow for the victim and his family. We are also concerned about the driver,” said Rev. Mary Kate Rejouis. Officers said she first collided with a food truck in the parking lot and then hit Eric Anderson at a table, then smashed into the church. “His body was thrown or pushed by the vehicle from here over close to the building. So that’s 25 or 30 feet,” said Rejouis. Geers faces charges of vehicular assault and DUI after police said she failed a sobriety test. Anderson was taken to the hospital with serious injuries. Geers is scheduled to appear in court next week.

It’s imperative we discuss the real story here because every other news outlet seems to have buried the lede under a mountain of injured church kids and slander. Brenda Geers is 73!? She looks FANTASTIC!

I’m not sure how all of these people have the nerve to critique her lifestyle when this drunk-ass senior bitch doesn’t look a day over 60. It’s gotta be the constant boozing with little regard for human life, right? Truth be told, there are millions of rapidly-aging ladies with low self esteem who would gladly take a DUI and a vehicular assault charge for wrinkle-free skin and vibrant eyes like hers. And this ain’t some Glamour Shots chin-to-fist Photoshop job — Brenda Geers looks this solid in a mugshot!

Really hope the kid is okay and comes through with a full recovery, but let’s not lose sight of the big picture because of one accident. Whatever concoction of spirits this woman has had in her diet is the true fountain of youth. Time to investigate, Science.