NaplesNews – Lee deputies arrested a man accused of making animal noises to attract people to him masturbating at Bonita Beach. Miguel Angel Rivera Flores, 29, whose address is unknown, was arrested Monday by Lee deputies after an anonymous caller said Flores was behind a home, on the 27500 block of Hickory Blvd., exposing himself. This address, a foreclosure, has been given in previous complaints. There have been multiple complaints of men who attract the attention of passing females and children with animal noises and then expose themselves and masturbate in front of them. Deputies said he had been caught before by Lee County Parks and Recreation masturbating to women using the outside showers at Bonita Beach Park. Flores, who was arrested at the foreclosed property, is facing prowling charges.

This guy gets it. All of these other freaks out there just nude-trenchcoating in parking lots all around America are wasting their time. How can you even get off by showing your flaccid penis to strangers? Shit doesn’t even make sense. Miguel Angel Rivera Flores didn’t repeat their mistakes. Jerking off on the beach while barking and making monkey screeches to attract people’s attention?  That’s next level.  Dude’s like the Mike Vick of cock exposers.  Show his junk AND masturbate AND make animal noises?  Certified triple threat.

And what’s up with people even being offended by male frontal nudity anyway? Shit’s literally a joke. Movies use limp penises for comedic value now all the time i.e. Walk Hard, Hall Pass, The Hangover, etc. Non-hard dicks are impossible to be offended by. Completely harmless. Rock-hard animal noise masturbator is one thing, but getting your titties in a twist when somebody opens his coat and shows you his floppy junk? It’s too stupid to even get mad. Kind of like the Waiting dick game.