ArbroathPolice in Malawi have arrested a 24-year-old man after he tried to sell the freshly cut penis from a 45-year-old. Officers in the central Lakeshore District of Salima say they responded to a report of a man lying bleeding and unconscious next to railway tracks on Tuesday.But when the man was admitted to hospital, doctors were shocked to discover his penis was missing. Salima police chief Foster Mangani said hours later, police were called to a local motel where the owner reported a guest had tried to sell her a penis for US$360. “We rushed to the lodge and arrested the suspect. We also recovered the private parts,” Mangani said. Police have named the suspect as Samuel Banda, whose picture was published along with what looks like a severed penis wrapped in white paper.Police said Banda had admitted selling “many body parts to well known business personalities”. Many locals believe human parts can bring riches, and unscrupulous businessmen and witchdoctors pay thousands of kwachas to poor locals to kill people and mutilate their bodies. The victim was intercepted by Banda as he walked home after a drinking bender. His condition is described as “serious” by staff at the local hospital.

Oh the penisless man’s condition is “serious”? You’re goddamned right it’s serious! His whole penis AREA is gone. Pubes and everything. I don’t remember the last time I saw an injury this serious.

What kind of asshole steals another man’s penis when he’s drunk? Wallet, cash, shoes — all fair game. But to steal some bumbling drunkard’s crotch to make less than $400? You might as well learn the lyrics to “Butterfly” because you’re in Crazy Town, bruh. How did he even get such a clean swipe of this guy’s junk? Samuel Banda is like a penis samurai.  Surgical status.

You’d think he’d already have a buyer lined up before trying to randomly unload this penis like a weed dealer at a concert.  Banda’s got the penis cutting part down, now it’s time to work on his salesmanship.

View the NSFW severed penis image after the jump. Sicko.