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temporary tats

clickorlandoA 25-year-old DeLand man has been arrested on child abuse charges after police say he covered bruises on a child with fake tattoos. Kelsey Turner has been charged with aggravated child abuse after covering bruises on the 5-year-old child’s midsection with the tattoos. The child’s injuries were noticed by a teacher at his school and sparked a police investigation. The child also had some mild internal bleeding, police said. Turner was booked into jail on Friday after an investigation that began in April. He was also charged with dealing in stolen property, burglary of an unoccupied dwelling and dealing in stolen property.

Child abuse? No, no, no — that’s Spider-Man.

This is alcoholic father innovation at its finest. Gave your child a few dozen body blows and already used up your “fell down the stairs”/”walked into a door” excuses? Slap a great white temporary tat on there you’re practically home free. Is that a sign of severe internal bleeding or is Donatello’s shell really that detailed? Most authorities probably can’t tell the difference.