ENGLANDA year ago, Chris Birch, 26, was a 19st beer-swilling athlete from the Welsh valleys who loved motorbikes and was engaged to marry his girlfriend at the time. However, after suffering a stroke, he woke up to realise that he was no longer attracted to women. He has since slimmed down, quit his job in a bank to become a hairdresser and is engaged to another man. Reflecting on the dramatic change, Mr Birch, from Caerphilly, told the BBC: “The Chris I knew had gone and a new Chris sort of came along. I came to the realisation that the stroke had turned me gay. “I’m happier now than I ever have been, why would I want to change?”

First off, gay or straight, whatever floats your boat buddy I don’t care. But a stoke turned you gay? How convenient. Actually a perfect, non-provable way to open the door to the closet. Because there ain’t no way this dude wasn’t keeping it on the down low with some bros before he got magically stoked by the Gay God. Gotta get your hate out somewhere. Like one of those repressed religious chicks who claim to death against sex but get them a vibrator or on a stimulating exercise bike and it’s squirt city. A man’s man who lives for the box doesn’t lose those brain cells and other cells are magically regenerated with the command of being a carnivore for the cock. Those impulses were already there in the beginning. Probably just your typical homophobe who puts up a overly macho front of sports playing, beer drinking and Republican voting but is there isn’t a rest stop glory hole he hasn’t conquered. Just ask Rick Santorum how the game is played.