ArbroathA State Trooper in Decatur, Illinois, sent to investigate reports of a naked masturbating motorist found himself a victim of unwanted attention from the man he was searching for. According to a police sworn statement, it all began when a motorist reportedly saw Joshua Pratt, 28, driving naked on I-72 while masturbating. Pratt then stopped at a Pilot gas station on route 48, where a State Trooper was called to investigate. The State Trooper went inside the gas station to look for Pratt. After searching for him the trooper used the restroom. The trooper said Pratt recorded him with a camera while in the restroom. When the trooper tried to confront him Pratt retreated back into the stall. The officer opened the door and found Pratt with his pants down. Pratt admitted later that he used the camera functions to zoom in on the State Trooper’s genitals.

Ahh, it appears the masturbatee has become the masturbated. Or, I mean, has become the masturbator. Actually, wait…none of that makes sense.

What’s important here is that this man pulled off one of the best switcheroos in this history of self-pleasure. One second you’re a State Trooper hot on the trail of a completely naked madman jerking off down the highway like the antidote is inside, and the next he’s videotaping your balls from a bathroom stall with his pants around his ankles. Gay masturbatory criminal genius.

Haters hate. Masturbators masturbate.