ArbroathAn Albuquerque man is in custody after being accused of throwing a volleyball-sized rock through a KFC restaurant window. Investigators said the man – who is without hands – shattered two windows at the restaurant. As detectives investigate the case, the man’s former neighbours are saying that the man isn’t who he claims to be. Koffi Mbairamadji said he was stunned when people started asking him if he had been to jail recently. Mbairamadji said the man who broke the windows is actually known as Adjabo. He said Adjabo is from Burundi, a country in central Africa “He can’t even read, so how can someone who doesn’t know how to read get my personal information?” Mbairamadji asked. Mbairamadji said Adjabo came to Albuquerque two years ago as a political refugee. He said he doesn’t know how Adjabo lost his hands but that it’s likely they were cut off during a battle in his native country. Mbairamadji said Adjabo can’t speak or read English and is only fluent in Swahili.

Yeah, yeah, his hands…but let’s touch on something I’ve never considered being a real negative until just now — speaking a shitty language.

Let’s face it we live in a global economy, in a world connected like it never has been before. Imagine if you could only experience what was written or spoken in Swahili. Could only understand movies that were dubbed or subtitled in Swahili. Could only read books or internet that was written in Swahili. I don’t care how well Google can translate your web page — you and your shitty language are fucked for life.

Check out this languages by population list:

It’s not just Swahili, there are hundreds of shitty languages. Hiligaynon (#105), Lombard (#90), Haitian Creole French (#99) — you’re all out of luck. None of you saw Inception. None of you get ESPN. You live your entire lives removed from the best the world has to offer because of your own shitty language.  It’s a shame.  It’s not too bad over here with my mastery of the #3 language in the universe.

So yeah, hands cut off in African war, breaking into the chicken place with a rock, stealing someone else’s identity — doesn’t matter. Bruh was screwed the second he didn’t bother to learn something else besides Swahili.