DMA paramedic who boasted online that he ‘saved someone’s life and managed to cop a feel of some cracking jubblies’ has appeared before a conduct hearing. Mark Small allegedly posted the comment on Facebook, rounding it off with: ‘Excellent shift.’ Today he is appearing before a conduct hearing of the Health Professions Council (HPC), and could be struck off from the profession if found guilty of misconduct. Mr Small worked for Great Western Ambulance service, which provides emergency care and patient transport across Gloucestershire. The HPC claims he posted the comments on Facebook between 28 and 29 June last year after attending a patient with breathing difficulties. Mark, from Bristol, had worked for the ambulance service since 2004 and qualified as a paramedic in September 2009. Mark told the panel he admitted writing the comments and accepted that by writing it his standards fell short of what was expected by the HTC. He refused to agree the ‘jubblies’ comment amounted to misconduct.

There are some phrases that are just so much better in UK English than American English. Copping a feel ‘of some cracking jubblies’ is without a doubt in that camp. What would an American paramedic have said here? “I felt some fat tits”? Not even close. Cracking jubblies > fat tits every time. I almost feel like I should start a band just so I can use that name.

And really, what’s wrong with feeling on a couple jubblies after you’re done saving a woman’s life? Maybe at first she’s a little bloody or choking or preparing for death, but after you swoop in with your masculine life-saving abilities, it’s only natural for there to be a “flirtatious atmosphere”. That’s why chicks always wanna bang superheroes and firemen after they save the day. Mark didn’t do anything wrong here. Lives saved + boobs grabbed = a perfectly good reason to brag on Facebook.