kiiitvSenior Officer J. Rhodes observed a black Cadillac CTS parked in the intersection of Holly Road and Flynn Parkway despite the fact the driver had a green light. The driver then turned onto Flynn Parkway and was traveling southbound in the northbound lane. Officer Rhodes pulled the Cadillac over and contacted the driver Coral Li Rape, 23, who appeared to be intoxicated and unwilling to cooperate with Police. When asked to perform Standard Field Sobriety Tests, Rape “moonwalked” towards Officers. Officer J. Sanders placed her under arrest and booked her at the City Detention Center where she was also given a Breath Test. Rape was charged with Driving While Intoxicated with a Blood Alcohol Content over .15 which is a Class “A” Misdemeanor punishable by a year in jail and a $4,000 fine.

And here we have the funniest case of legitimate drunken Rape…probably ever.

Firstly — somebody in that family has gotta step up to the plate. Get it done. Rape is not a name that should have lasted for this many generations. Wouldn’t matter if your name was respected like the Kennedys or if you were billionaires because your great-great-great grandfather Donald Garfield Rape invented the abortion, Rape is not the type of handle you allow to stick around.

Now having said that, regardless of her name, I think Ms. Rape and I may have a future together. How trill is this chick? Drunk driving a Cadillac — check. Uncooperative with police — check. Moonwalking instead of performing sobriety tests — check. PLUS she’s kinda cute?

Pretty sure this is what love feels like.