ArbroathA grandmother has been charged with drug smuggling after police found 55 rocks of crack hidden in her privates. Berenice Fernandes, 74, claimed she knew nothing about the stash of drugs and said her granddaughter must have hidden them on her while she was sleeping. A female police officer discovered a plastic bag containing the rocks of crack cocaine stashed in Fernandes’ vagina after officers arrested the pensioner and her 33-year-old granddaughter Glaucia Bispo in Salvador, Brazil. Fernandes and Bispo were stopped as they tried to leave the house and searched by a female officer, who discovered the stash of rocks wrapped in a plastic bag in the grandmother’s privates. The women were also found to be carrying the equivalent of £40 in cash – believed to be proceeds of drug deals at the party. Both women were arrested and charged with drug smuggling.

Cop: So you’re saying your granddaughter placed these FIFTY-FIVE rocks of crack in your vagina while you were sleeping?

Old Woman: Yes, Officer.

Cop: And the plastic bag?

OW: Yes.

Cop: And this carton of Virginia Slim 100s?

OW: Yes, Officer.

Cop: And this Portuguese subtitled copy of Bulworth on DVD?

OW: Yes.

Cop: Well how did she manage to fit it in there with this Huffy 12-speed in the way?

OW: I don’t know, Officer. The bike must’ve been put in there while I was sleeping, too.

Cop: Berenice Fernandes, I don’t know how you expect me–OH MY GOD!!

[All of a sudden a terrified woman tumbles out of Berenice's vagina]

Vagina Lady: Holy SHIT! Some crazy women kidnapped me and stuffed me into this old lady’s snatch 3 days ago!

Cop: O-okay.  J-j-just relax. We need to–

Vagina Lady: There is no TIME. We need to save the others!