ArbroathCabinet meetings usually discuss the state of economy, wars and general matters of governance. However, Egypt’s Prime Minister Hisham Qandil recently utilized a meeting to talk about the dangers of “unclean” breasts. The PhD holding prime minister who studied water resources, somehow, related the lack of clean water to the lack of clean breasts. While meeting with his cabinet members he spoke in an emotional manner as he recounted the struggle of the villagers he witnessed on his trips as a minister. He narrated his experience as a middle-class Egyptian who travelled to the rural areas of the country where he saw the suffering of newborns having to deal with diarrhoea after being breast fed. The prime minister claimed that the reason behind the diarrhoea epidemic in rural Egypt is that some female villagers are too ignorant to clean their breasts before feeding their babies.

I feel like if you live in the type of nation where you can get in front of a podium and say that the country’s diarrhea problem is caused not by the filthy brown doodoo water pouring out of the faucets but instead by widespread ignorance of the connection between nipple sanitation and the Hershey squirts, you probably also live in the type of nation where you can tell the media to fuck off. Why even answer these questions in the first place? You’re a democratically-elected country now…these people voted for YOU! No way “unclean breasts” is any better an answer than “shut the fuck up I’ll handle it”.

PS – I want to thank Prime Minister Hasham Qandil for giving me the opportunity to write the phrase “diarrhea breasts” in my lifetime.