Philly.comDERBYSHIRE Police have opened an investigation into alleged racist comments against Chelsea defender Ashley Cole on Twitter, 4 days after club teammate John Terry was cleared of racial abuse. Cole, who defended Terry in court from charges made by Queens Park Rangers defender Anton Ferdinand, was reportedly referred to as a “Choc Ice” by a Twitter user. The term is believed to mean black on the outside, white on the inside. Ferdinand’s older brother, Rio, who plays for Manchester United, responded to the tweet on Saturday with: “I hear you fella! Choc ice is classic hahahahahaha!!” The following day, Ferdinand tweeted: “What I said yesterday is not a racist term. It’s a type of slang/term used by many for someone who is being fake. So there.”

Choc Ice? As a black person whose been called every version of “white-acting black guy” under the sun I can personally attest that Choc Ice is the dumbest, lamest one yet. I’ve been called oreo, a zebra (which doesn’t make sense since I’m not mixed), and my personal favorite — Devil Dog. Some kid once called me a Devil Dog to my face in 9th grade and I laughed for like 20 minutes straight. That one’s great.

But Choc Ice doesn’t even make sense. Ice isn’t even white! I don’t know whether these European soccer guys are just lazy or have simply used up every single racist phrase that can possibly be enunciated by human tongue, but Choc Ice definitely doesn’t deserve SEVEN “ha’s” and two exclamation points. ¬†Two “ha’s” and a period MAX.

Oh I get it, Choc Ice is what people in the UK call Klondike bars. Whatever — still stupid. It’s still no Devil Dog. When I read a story about European soccer racism, I expect to see like flaming bananas being tossed onto the pitch or a gang of Nazis cheering only the blonde players. Not some lame Twitter exchange about racist ice cream.

Quick: name all the white-in-the-middle racist food terms you can!

Asian: Banana, Twinkie, Coconut (Southern Asian)
Black: Choc Ice, Klondike, Oreo, Devil Dog
Native American: Apple
Hispanic: ?
Indian: ???

What about white people who act black, besides ‘wigger’, is there a food word? Eclair — like those chocolate eclair ice cream bars? Not sure if that works with all the crunchies on the outside.