It’s not going to be easy. I mean it was a grueling race even for me, and that’s including all of my natural physical advantages like height, leg power, agility, muscle definition, handsomeness, etc. But that shouldn’t discourage any of you less imposing men from giving the country’s #1 Obstacle Race a try. My race took place back in early September and was 4+ mountainous miles of pain through Blue Moutain, but if I’m honest here for a second — it was worth every blister and cut. Some Stoolie last time had the nerve to say I looked like I was just digging for blood diamonds. Which is good hate I guess, it’s just a shame my Spartan Race medal is too heavy and shiny to even concern myself with such comments.
At this point my confidence is so high I might just go out and try to become a Spartan Race TRIFECTA MEMBER. That is, someone who has completed all three races (Sprint, Super, and Beast) all within one year. That’s how good I felt about my performance. If I could bottle up the feeling of passing people on a hill, completing all the obstacles, then coming home to watch a clip of my boss quitting the race…I’d sell it and become a billionaire. Natural ecstasy.
So anyway, if you’re looking to prove your manhood and look diesel as hell when you’re done like I did then SIGN UP for the Spartan Race in Palmerton, Pennsylvania (Blue Moutain Ski Resort) on July 14th. Maybe I’ll see you there.