Umm, so what’s with all this talk about these new Jordans not being the greatest shoe spectacle man has ever known? Just LOOK at these jawns. If you think I won’t be first in line to wrap my foot in lime green Nike technology then zip it into a giant black elf sock you’re out of your gourd. It’s 2012 and people have the nerve to get up in arms about shoes that look like they’re from the future? Bitch we’re supposed to have hover boards and self-lacing sneakers by now, if you think I’m scared of a little spandex and neon you’re bugging.

“I feel like even black people can’t defend these new Jordans.” Kmarko obviously doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Like I literally laughed out loud. Black people will wear any Jordans ever. Jordan could come out with a bright pink shoe with a flaccid Asian penis logo on the side and “I’M GAY” on each toe and muhfuckers would still be shooting speed holes in each other during overnight lines outside Foot Locker. Must be crazy.