CNN – Moscow (CNN) — A meteor streaked through the skies above Russia’s Urals region Friday morning, before exploding with a flash and boom that shattered glass in buildings and left hundreds of people hurt. The number of injured continues to rise as new reports come in from across a wide area. As of noon Moscow time, as many as 725 people had sought medical help, according to the state-run RIA Novosti news agency. Deputy Health Minister Igor Kagramanyan said 571 people had sought medical help, with 34 of them hospitalized, according to state-news agency Itar-Tass. About 270 buildings have sustained damage — mostly broken glass — as a result of the shock waves caused by the blast, said Vladimir Stepanov, of the National Center for Emergency Situations at the Russian Interior Ministry.

Giant blinding “meteors” hurtling towards Earth, black Presidents with terrorist middle names, POPES quitting left and right — this is it, America. This is the end. Hope you picked the right religion and stuck to it.

Don’t you dare believe for one second that this giant asteroid that’s going to “pass over us” this afternoon isn’t going to 100% destroy all life on this planet. We’ve seen this movie before. It’s called Deep Impact and it’s WAY better than Armageddon, no matter how heroic Bruce Willis may be. It all adds up.

This is simply my warning to you, faithful readers. Your world and everything you’ve ever known is about to get blown into space dust within the next 5 hours. Go get laid.

PS – Not the zinc factory!!!