Hulk Hogan’s hair: blonde yet silken like that of a Chinese man.

Understand other sites covered this already…but it’s a Hulk Hogan sex tape. Listen, none of us who grew up in the 80′s or 90′s should feel good about having to read the words “Hulk Hogan Sex Tape”. None of us. But here we are. It’s twenty-twelve, we have a 24-hour celebrity news cycle, and bare-ass elderly Hulk Hogan is complaining about his heart after banging Bubba Dudley’s wife. Our personal and national transformation from the days Hulkamania running wild and blind American pride and tears-of-joy Summerslam wheelchair kids has been an amazing ride, huh?

Maybe in some parallel universe out there they can recreate that special naive magic necessary to allow children all across the world’s most powerful nation to buy in to a character as wholesome and decent as Hulk Hogan. But here in our universe, on our planet, that magic is dead. Killed by greed and jealousy and superficiality and all those other things that keep us human. Not to say it wasn’t dead long before Terry Bollea planted his dong in another man’s wife on camera, but let’s simply agree that hearing a childhood American legend talk about possibly banging his son’s girlfriend’s twin sister to a woman he’s committing adultery with didn’t help.