Not sure if you guys know this or not but I’m a football genius. A mere four weeks from by Week 5 first place FanDuel finish, here I was again poised to make a run at the crown. Everything was working in my favor; nearly every position was exceeding expectations and making my 20 or so minutes of painstaking research before Sunday look well worth the cost. Then here comes Eli Manning to lay a gigantic Elisha-sized derpy dump on my first-place aspirations. Four points, Manning? FOUR? Russell Wilson had 21 points and I don’t even think he’s legally tall enough to ride steel coasters at Six Flags. What I’m trying to say is: I somehow hate you even more than before.

Unless Shady scores like 3 TDs tonight it doesn’t look like I’ll win more than a couple hundred bucks, but had I put in nearly any other quarterback the shot at FanDuel immortality would’ve been in reach. You suck, Eli. I hope everything you own is still wet.