Press ReleaseBEVERLY HILLS, Calif., Nov 02, 2011 (BUSINESS WIRE) — Alki David, founder and CEO of Networks, announced today that he has approved the last minute change in the upcoming title fight between controversial baseball player Jose Canseco and Tareq Salahi, the White House Party Crasher. “Canseco ruined my career by spreading lies. I called Tareq and begged him to let me take his place in the upcoming fight against Canseco,” said Dykstra in a statement. The fight is due to take place on Nov 5th, 2011, live from the Avalon Hollywood CA. The event will be streamed live on to a World Wide Internet audience and to every home connected to Cable Television in the United States.

How fantastic is that shit? Three days from now the steroids that control Jose Canseco’s movements will take on Lenny Dykstra’s perpetual insanity in what is sure to be the most entertaining five minutes of the week.

I can see it all now: Lenny makes his way to the ring with a Twizzler in his mouth and soggy titties on his chest. Jose enters looking like the world’s jacked-est day laborer. Lenny plays it soft at first, protecting his old body while trying not to lose his mouth-grip on that Twizzler. Jose comes out swinging, catching Dykstra with multiple uppercuts to the gut. Canseco looks like he’s gonna end the fatter and slower Dykstra after only about 30 seconds, when out of nowhere his HGH-filled heart explodes and kills him before he hits the mat. Lenny looks around suspiciously, then goes through Canseco’s pockets for loose singles and bolts out of the arena as fast as possible.