WarmingGlowPeople, in general, do not like politicians. But people — again, in general — really, really do not like their cable provider, so this one probably falls under “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

Here’s what happened: John McCain said he plans to introduce a bill in the near future that will essentially tear apart the current cable and broadcast television industry by pushing providers to allow subscribers to choose channels a la carte instead of as part of a larger package, among other things.

McCain’s bill would, in addition to urging cable providers toward a la carte pricing, ban the bundling of broadcast stations with cable channels owned by the same entities. This would, for example, keep Disney from requiring that cable providers pay for ESPN in order to carry ABC. The bill also puts an end to the sports blackout rule, which keeps companies from carrying a sports event if the game is blocked out locally.

Notably, McCain’s bill also includes a provision that would punish broadcasters who pull high-value content from over-the-air television in order to put it on cable channels. This section of the bill is aimed at broadcast television networks that have said they would do just that if U.S. courts do not stop Aereo, a service that rebroadcasts their channels to subscribers’ iPads and iPhones over the Internet.

Total dreamboat, right? I know things got lonely for a while there, John. What are you, like 150-200 years old? You had to be in that camp in Nam for like 50 years. No doubt you’ve kissed a man on the mouth before. No shame in it. It’ll be my first time — you get this bill passed you can show me the ropes.

And don’t be shy, it’ll be your reward. You’d deserve every bit of it for successfully forcing these greedy monopolistic shitheads to stop stealing from regular people and only give us what we want. Sheisty triple packages with land line service? Yeah okay let me hop on my horse and I’ll be right over with my calligraphy pen & parchment checkbook. Nobody needs 70 channels of Childrens music en Español. And what the hell is the Retirement Living TV?? Just sell me ESPN, Comedy Central, some local channels, and HBO and you can keep the rest of your reality TV nonsense.

Make it happen, John. You creepy Tin Man-armed old patriot.