Reader Email

Mo,

Gotta question for ya brother. Here goes.

1st have a scenario for you and the stoolies here it is. I didn’t know mail order brides were a real thing. Like they do actually exist and you can actually order them. For arguements sake we are saying that you have the resources to pick any girl in the world to be your mail order bride. Any nationality that you want, again your rich as fuck so shes a HARD 10. Any nationality is on the table EXCEPT America, cause lets face it merrica is merrica. Here is the catch though, whatever “wife” (very loose term)you pick you also eat her nations food on the reg. Thats right 24/7 365 what food are you eating for say the next 15 years, because again just being honest lets assume that you trade her in for a younger model come 33-34. Traditional food rules apply as well, meaning, according to google italians don’t eat ham/bacon/eggs in the morning. For the frenchies your probably not getting lasagna etc…etc..So having said all that what you think? Its not wrong to pick brazil, they are a powerhouse for a damn good reason.

Viva la stool!

-Debo

Digging this premise even though it immediately eliminates A LOT of countries right off the bat. First of all since every girl is going to be a “HARD 10″, you can go ahead and cross certain areas of the world completely off the list. England, Canada, Russia, most of Africa…just don’t have the food to compete. Am I really going to spend the next 10-15 years of my life eating haggis or sitting on the floor with Ethiopian pastes? Hell naw. Picking who you DON’T want is pretty simple. Narrowing it down to a single country/woman/cuisine is a while ‘nother beast. Here is my current top 5:

1. Italian
2. Spanish
3. Brazilian
4. Japanese
5. French

I’ll start at the bottom. A French chick almost didn’t make the cut even though they have perhaps the most distinguished food in the world. I’m just not a fan. They can prepare a dessert like a motherfucker, but I’m not spending the next 15 years of my life eating tiny portions of frogs legs and fish eggs.

Japanese food is great and I’ve got a thing for Japanese women, but after 5 years of starting every meal with miso soup I might end up taking a katana to her face. Brazil makes a strong case, too, and she would probably be the hardest of the hard 10′s, but they do a lot of open pit and pig stuff and I’m not trying to get heart disease when I’m 30.

Which leaves the Spanish chick and the Italian chick. To be honest this was a toss up. Spanish food from actual Spain is awesome, and they do a lot of fish and kababs and all that stuff. Fifteen years of that wouldn’t be too bad…but Italian food reigns supreme. I can do without eggs in the morning if it means real Italian pizza and pastas and sausage. “Hey honey I left you a big-ass cannoli in the freezer.” Hell yeah. Done deal.