goodbye light

This is my last week at Barstool Sports.

A few days ago I accepted a job as an Editor at Complex. There are a few reasons for the decision, but mostly it’s about growth. Pres and I just happened to have a phone conversation a few weeks back, and while at the time neither of us were aware I’d be offered a position not too long after, we both spoke about where I saw myself at Barstool and what I wanted for the future. As it stands Barstool Philly is still the red-headed stepchild of the site, and whether that’s because I’m different than you guys or because I don’t live in Philly doesn’t matter — Philly needs to grow faster. If Barstool Sports wasn’t based on city vs. city I’d just be another one of the writers, but it is what it is and it’s hard for me as a half-assed blipster in Brooklyn to still properly represent Philadelphia. No matter how much I love the sports teams.

As far as personal growth, I just had the first birthday of my life last week where I didn’t even want to write the number. It rhymes with ‘dirty’ and it’s fucking depressing. Sometimes you wake up and you’re ‘dirty’ years old and you gotta think about where you’re going. An opportunity presented itself that has potential for growth both personally (“Hey I get to meet other people instead of giggling alone in my underwear every day?”) and professionally, and even though I’m stupid old it almost feels like working at Barstool gave me a head start in a lot of ways. You know me, I know you, and it turns out having a good feel for the internet is a pretty valuable skill.

A funny thing about working for a blog, too, is being able to look back on everything in exact detail. Fact is I’ve written 8,987 blogs in 1,178 days of employment. That’s an average of 7.6 blogs a day — every day of my life — for over three years. A change of pace might not be the worst thing. I can’t even imagine how many books those blogs could’ve filled. In that time I could’ve written the thickest book of dick and Florida criminal jokes this world has ever seen, yet instead it’s all waiting to die on some server that may or may not make it to December.

But there are zero regrets. Actually — that’s a lie. I regret not busting my ass to become Big Cat-famous and making Reebok/KFC iTunes money on the side, but maybe that would’ve never happened here anyway just based on who I am. I’m a first-generation middle class white-talking black guy from South Jersey who lives in Brooklyn. Just so happens I can write good and REALLY like the Eagles. Guess in the end that’s what makes me so grateful for all of this.

I want to thank Dave, first and foremost, for giving me the opportunity. El Presidente is far from the easiest person to work for, but he’s fair and loyal and does what he says. Three years ago I was working for a dying dotcom and posting blogs for a site averaging 500 hits a day and now I have 5-digit Twitter followers and people who spot me on the street to say hi. That’s fucking incredible and I’m so humbled by it and none of it would’ve been possible if Dave Portnoy didn’t call me one day. Forever grateful.

Wanna thank all the other writers. They’re all supremely talented people and I think anyone who reads Barstool knows that. Not everybody can do this job; it’s a grind and it takes a high level of consistency and quick wit and a hell of a thick skin. Feitelberg, Kmarko, KFC, Big Cat, Nate, Trent, Smitty — all the city sports writers — you guys are genuinely the best on the internet and I think a lot of people know that. Wanna thank all the behind-the-scenes guys like Louis and Mike Welker and Sales Guy for always helping out when I needed shit. And the Smokes for always being good sports and down for the cause. And the Blackout tour team for getting me drunk on Fireball and giving me the chance to dance in front of thousands in a Smurfette costume. Nice to finally check that one off the bucket list.

Most of all though I’d like to thank the Stoolies. You make Barstool Sports what it is. The main reason Barstool is so different and walks so hard is because you are extraordinary blog fans. If there’s a cause, you’re buying $50,000 worth of t-shirts in two days to donate to charity. If Barstool Philly needs a truck a 4AM to take our Wing Bowl float to the Wells Fargo Center, you’re there in one tweet. If there’s LITERALLY A TERRORIST ON THE LOOSE you’re in an all-night kidding-but-not-kidding manhunt with our bloggers to rescue Boston. You guys are insane and passionate in ways I didn’t know strangers on the internet could be. Shocked the hell out of me that most of you supported me through BrooklynGate. I know our relationship was always more complicated than with some of the other writers, but regardless of whatever happened in the comments section I’ve never gotten anything but love when meeting a Stoolie in real life. Ever. You’re the biggest thing I’ll miss about working for Barstool Sports.

Pretty sappy, huh? Well it turns out this is actually the first time (excluding Jenna Marbles) a writer has left Barstool for somewhere else and we’re new at this, too. So enough with cutting onions, to kick off my final week I spent some time this weekend going over those nearly 9,000 blogs of mine and picked out my 50 favorites. So every day this week expect another 10 in the top 50 maurice blogs countdown. Today we have blogs 50-41. Turns out going through 9,000 blogs takes WAY more time than I originally thought, so the list will have to wait until the end of the week. I hope you enjoy it and follow me on Twitter and continue to harass me and care as you always have. I’ll miss you assholes. Thank you for everything.

Viva La Stool.