OC - Are you familiar with electronic cigarettes? They are ingenious cigarette-like gadgets designed as an alternative for smokers who just can’t shake the habit. Basically they turn a nicotine-containing liquid into vapor that is allegedly a lot safer than tobacco smoke. US-based company Vaportrim was apparently inspired by e-cigarette technology to create a similar device that is meant to help people lose weight. Their particular health-aids apparently allow users to inhale delicious sweets like vanilla cupcakes or blueberry muffins without the many calories that usually come with them. The US-based company is actually advertising its product as the world’s first calorie-free dessert. Well, Vaportrim has an entire “how it works” page full of “research and scientific evidence” designed to convince potential buyers their inhalers are the perfect way to enjoy tasty treats and lose weight, at the same time.

Because I’m sure fat people won’t just then immediately drive to the store and buy up all the vanilla cupcakes in Pathmark. There’s no way that this is effective. America has too much access to food for anyone to be satisfied with some fucking cupcake farts in a plastic tube. The second a fat women gets that frosting taste in her throat she’s gonna need to throw some cake down there. That’s all there is to it.

I love chocolate. It’s the best thing I could destroy a mountain of Kit Kats if I needed to. So I’m well aware that if I ever became a fatty and was told to breathe chocolate air to “curb my cravings”, there’d be nothing stopping me from walking to a corner store and buying up all the Snickers’ I can find. What kind of cruel joke is inhalable food? There are KONY children out there somewhere trying not to get their lips chopped off who don’t even know apple pie exists, and we’re over here breathing up strawberry shortcake air cause we can’t lose weight.

The world is a terrible place.