ArbroathMice chewed into three bags of marijuana at a police evidence storage facility in Wichita, Kansas, police say. The critters managed to eat some of the stash, from a 2009 case, and even nested in the drug, they said. Wichita police Lt. Doug Nolte said the occurance is a common one. He said marijuana’s strong odour apparently attracts the animals. “We’ve got some mice that are stoners,” Nolte said. Authorities originally thought it was a case of evidence tampering, but after an investigation, they were able to identify the four-legged suspects, which remain on the loose. “We do have a sketch artist that came and did a rendering of who we believe is responsible for the marijuana heist, and so, we are currently looking for something that resembles a mouse like this,” said Nolte. Authorities said an exterminator has been called and the bags of evidence resealed and reweighed.

GUYS…guys. We’re all friends here. Mice? C’mon. That weed must’ve been that Cali Kush because only an extremely high person could have conjured up an excuse this piss poor.

“Marijuana’s strong odour apparently attracts the animals”? I’ve known a lot of people who’ve smoked a lot of marijuana and never in my life has anyone ever complained that their weed stash is bringing in unwanted rodents. That excuse is beyond horrible. Bad would have been “We lost the pot.” Worse would have been “Thieves came in and stole our pot.” Blaming it on mice? You might as well call your buddies Thurgood and Scarface because that’s some stoner comedy shenanigans if I’ve ever heard them.

I remember back when I was a sophomore in high school and came back home on New Years Day with my own puke all over my shirt. Mom asked me “what happened?” and since I was still superdrunk from the night before and wasn’t supposed to be drinking I told her somebody punched me in the stomach as I was finishing a milkshake and I barfed all over myself. To this day it’s the easily #1 worst excuse I’ve ever told/heard. But you know what, Wichita Police? Stoner Mice is pretty damned close.