Because a husband punching his wife in the face in front of their daughter, two street tuffs robbing and assaulting an elderly woman, and bullies kicking a nerd in the ribs until he bleeds from his nose are the same exact thing as eating fish. Did I say same exact? I meant WORSE, because the fish can’t scream like those lucky humans can. Christ, PETA. I’m all for animal rights but pretty much everything on the planet eats fish. FISH eat fish.

Stick to videos of tortured cows and caged chickens with genetically-huge breasts. Nobody has fish sympathy.

Tell PETA my mink is dragging on the flo’.