This kid is gonna take my job soon, isn’t he?

I almost feel bad for LeBron James sometimes — it’s obvious the dude has issues with insecurity. He was insecure about his ability to win a championship alone so he teamed up with 2 all-stars. He’s insecure about his hairline so he wears his headband in the middle of his head. And he’s insecure about looking foolish on a national stage so he annually bitches out of the dunk contest. Put down the appletini and pre-cut steak and grow a sack, Bron Bron.

Dr. J did it. Jordan did it. Kobe did it. Some of the greatest players to ever touch a ball have sucked it up and shown the people what they can do with an open gym and an audience. Why are you so scared to dunk? Because you might lose? Bron, if you’re that afraid of what other people are going to say if you lose a dunk contest then I don’t know how you’re ever gonna win those tough fourth quarter playoff games.

Someone who is truly great wants to show off their abilities as much as they can. Jordan wanted to prove that not only was he the best scorer, but also the best 3-pt shooter and dunker. Did it matter that he lost competitions at both? Do people even care? No, because at least he had the balls to go out there.

Like the kid said, the NBA is Where Magic Happens, not Where Rookies Go Because The All-Stars Are Just At The Hotel Clubbin And Drinking And Stuff. Show up Saturday ready to dunk, have David Stern cue your music, and remind the country why you’re the most physically gifted athlete in the league.