HuffPoTransit police in Philadelphia have arrested a man who allegedly threw a woman on the subway tracks at a station in the city’s Chinatown neighborhood. Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority police say the attack happened around 3:30 p.m. Tuesday when the man approached the woman on the subway platform and asked for a light. Surveillance video shows the suspect then moved closer and began beating her. Authorities say the man grabbed the woman by her ankles and threw here onto the tracks before walking away with her phone. It was unclear if he knew her.

The moral of this story: always carry a lighter.

Actually this shit is really disgusting. Makes you think that maybe the country does have a problem. We all may have varying opinions as to whether the country has a gun problem or not, but I think we can all agree that it has a crazyperson problem for sure. And we as a nation need to carry out some serious crazyperson control ASAP.

Remember how England sent all their criminals and psychos to Australia and then for the next century or so became known for their manners and sophistication? It’s time for us to take that kind of action. Canada: you’re our new criminal outlet.

Can’t be Mexico because that’s where all the precious drugs and cheap labor lives, but shipping all the crazy hoodrats, maniacal rural rednecks, violent angsty teenage mass-murderers to Winnepeg or Edmonton or some shit sounds like a fantastic idea to me. We’re never gonna be able to stop folks from getting guns or bombs or the desire to toss 23 year-old mothers onto subway tracks, but we can easily start shipping all these assholes and their families up north now and pretending like they never existed.

What’s Canada gonna do to retaliate — cut off our syrup supply? Fuck outta here, Canucks.