ArbroathA former Navy man was awarded $7.5 million by an El Cajon jury in a lawsuit stemming from a motorcycle crash with an auto dealer’s courtesy shuttle that left him with a penis permanently shortened by more than an inch. The Superior Court verdict against Group 1 Automotive and Rancho Auto Group of San Diego centered on events that occurred on Aug. 30, 2007, in San Diego’s Midway District. That is when the motorcycle Matthew Wall was riding collided with a shuttle van from Rancho Auto Group. The van turned in front of Wall, who was riding his Harley-Davidson motorcycle to work. Wall struck the van and was thrown forward on to the motorcycle’s handlebars, suffering a fracture of his pubic ramus bone. He also suffered a crushing injury to his penis, as well as nerve and artery damage, said his trial lawyer Nicholas Rowley. Reconstructive surgery was successful but it resulted in a loss of 1.5 inches in the length of his penis. He had recently married at the time of the crash. The couple has since divorced. Rowley said it was uncertain if Wall would be able to have children because of the injury. “It’s going to affect his relationships and his self-esteem in the future,” Rowley said.

Let me tell you right now: for $7.5 million my reconstructive penis surgeon can lop TWO inches off my dick right this second. No questions asked. I’m not gonna get into specifics about how much penis I would have left, but I’m confident that with my mangled remainder dick and $7.5 million things would end up being okay.

“Hey what’s with that weird scarring around the top of your–”
“H-HEY what’s with this weird expensive BRACELET I just bought for you, eh? What horrible scarring, right? Put this shit on.”

It wouldn’t even be close. The life of mangled-dick millionaire would end up being infinitely better than that of broke-guy-with-extra-inch.

What would you choose? Vote 1 for Keeping my dick whole and 10 for Take an inch and leave me with $7.5 mil.
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