Cobie Smulders

Gwyneth Paltrow

Scarlett Johansson

Total Number of Votes: 13427

Marry - Scarlett Johansson
Fuck - Cobie Smulders
Kill - Gwyneth Paltrow

Reader Email

I’m thinking that it might be a good idea to do a Marry Fuck Kill with Scarlet Johannsen, Gwenyeth Paltrow, and Cobie. In honor of The Avengers 200.3 milion dollar opening weekend. Just an idea.

-Sal

Sal, you’re right. Despite this turning into the biggest MFK blowout in history and the fact that I’ve yet to see the movie, I can’t deny writing about something that made $200 million in 2 1/2 days. Marrying Scarlett Johansson because she’s Scarlett Johansson. I know some people out there think she’s getting fat or old or isn’t as hot as advertised, but I’ve had a thing for her since her ass opened up Lost in Translation. Fucking Cobie Smulders because she’s hot and not Gwyneth Paltrow. I hate Gwyneth Paltrow with the force of 1000 suns. GP is the definition of a pretentious, uppity, entitled bitch. And I say that confidently as someone who has never and will never speak to her face-to-face. Brick to the dome.