ArbroathA nine-year-old boy who pinched his little brother on the testicles has had his letter of apology published on Facebook. In the letter, posted by the boys’ mother, Zac tells his five-year-old brother that he’s “so sad and sorry for pinching you in the nuts that I can feel the pain”. Knowing saying sorry won’t make up for it, he even vows to make financial restitution. Of $1. “I know that this note won’t completely make it up for you so here’s $1.00 all for you! I know it doesn’t make the pain go away and I can’t put a bandaid on it! You wouldn’t be able to pee!,” Zac writes. “I hope you feel better in the morning buddy!” The incident occurred at Zac’s family home in Adelaide, Australia.

Can you believe this condescending bullshit? Here the Best Brother Ever is wincing in the bathroom with ice and pinched nuts, and all Zac can do is offer up a laughable $1 and a few sarcastic lines in a note mom forced him to write.

Makes me happy I’m an only child for once.  Didn’t have to deal with any dickish cock pinchers or cocky dick pinchers in my family ruining my week because we couldn’t reach an agreement over the Playstation.  ”I can’t put a bandaid on it!  You wouldn’t be able to pee!” Fucking Zac’s got jokes now.  Best Brother Ever — never forget, buddy.  Serve that vengeance freezing cold.