france24Scientists said Wednesday they had found a brain region that controls physical ageing, and could target it to manipulate the lifespan of lab mice. The findings may be a step towards finding the holy grail of slowing human ageing, but have yet to be tested in human subjects. The research, published in the journal Nature, implicates the hypothalamus — a brain region that regulates growth, reproduction and metabolism, in the gradual and coordinated bodily deterioration we call ageing. Though the brain has long been suspected of orchestrating the process, this is the first evidence to that effect. The team said they could speed up or slow down ageing in mice by activating or inhibiting the brain signalling molecule NF-kB in the hypothalamus, which in turn affects levels of a hormone called GnRH that plays a role in the generation of neurons — the data processing cells of the brain.

Fuck these guys. It’s already obvious how this is gonna play out. They’re gonna perfect the art of stopping mice from aging, then in ten years perfect the art of stopping a monkey from aging, then ten years after that get sued after accidentally killing a bunch of human test subjects, then ten years after that are able to successfully stop human beings from aging. And guess what? By the time this is on the streets and at a price we can afford we’ll all be old as shit. And our future grandkids who are somehow exponentially dumber than today’s children will be left with eternal 20-something-ness and excellent health forever. AND they’ll probably have Xbox SphereThousand, blowjob robots, and moon vacations by then.

Born too early. BE FASTER, SCIENCE.