floriduhIf mosquitoes were motorcycles, the species known as Psorophora ciliata would be a Harley-Davidson — big, bold, American-made and likely to be abundant in Florida this summer, according to entomologist Phil Kaufman, an University of Florida associate professor with the school’s Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences. Kaufman said that last year the state had a bumper crop of the huge insects, called gallinippers, which are known for being notoriously aggressive and having a painful bit — and a repeat may be on the way. Only the female gallinippers are blood feeders as males survive on flower nectar, according to the news release. “The bite really hurts, I can attest to that,” Kaufman said.

Nope. Fuck you, Florida. We could deal with you when it was just about your meth and criminal populace and Disney Illuminati puppet masters, but this? Nah, Florida. You’re cut off. America’s penis is cut off.

Just imagine sitting outside minding your own business then having one of these squirrel-sized insect dinosaur terrorists stab its needle in your body before sucking out whole pints of blood. It feels like the plot to Hell. And here we thought those Egyptian locusts were bad. I’d hug a billion locusts before I ever stepped foot in a state with aggressive pigeon mosquitoes.

Of course it should be noted this invasion was predicted by a “professor” at the University of Florida, who we can assume is making these claims using nothing but a Bible and a Ouija board.

PS – Since Florida officially won’t exist to anyone with a brain past May, you might as well get down to PCB for our Blackout Tour Foam show before Florida turns into home of the mosquito people.