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ArbroathA farmer has survived after being taken to hospital with a circular power saw lodged 10cm into his stomach. Gregory Steinmedc was sawing wood at his home in Campina Mission, Brazil, when the tool slipped and sliced through his abdomen. His wife, Frida, carried out first aid to stop the bleeding before taking the 56-year-old to the nearest hospital 30 miles away. The blade apparently missed all Mr Steinmedc’s vital organs and doctors took two-and-a-half hours to remove the tool. Surgery was complicated by the fact that he had a previously transplanted kidney. Doctors said Mrs Steinmedc had saved her husband’s life by not removing the saw.

There you have it. If you’re ever slicing wood with a power saw and it slips and buries its jagged fangs several inches deep into your abdomen, make sure your wife DOESN’T try to take it out. Leave the saw blade in there so you can take an agonizing 30 mile car ride to the hospital where doctors will perform several hours of painful and literally gut-wrenching surgery.

Or, you know, kill yourself immediately.