ReutersIn her memoir “Diary of a Lost Girl: The Autobiography of Kola Boof” — which was excerpted by Harper’s Bazaar in 2006 — Boof recalls Bin Laden’s fervor for Houston. “He said that he had a paramount desire for Whitney Houston, and although he claimed music was evil he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting with the superstar,” Boof wrote. “It didn’t seem impossible to me. He said he wanted to give Whitney Houston a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum. He explained to me that to possess Whitney he would be willing to break his colour rule and make her one of his wives.” Of course, Houston was already married, to Bobby Brown, but bin Laden had a plan to take care of that, too — he would simply have Brown rubbed out. “Whitney Houston’s name was the one that would be mention constantly. How beautiful she was, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women’s husbands killed,” Boof revealed. Art one point, bin Laden went into a rage about Boof’s braided hair, because — yep — Whitney Houston would never wear her locks like that. “Osama said only monkeys braid their hair. He told me that the singer Whitney Houston was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen and that she never wore her hair braided,” Poof recalled. “‘I want you to fix your hair like hers from now on,’ he said. ‘I can’t put my fingers through it when it’s braided.’”

That might’ve been the most fun I’ve ever had writing a headline.

Osama just better be lucky he’s dead because the Bobby Brown I know doesn’t play that shit. Sure some of you folks may simply know him as the singing and dancing former member of New Edition, but Bobby Brown is a cold motherfucker. Brother got ADHD, Bipolar disorder, a short fuse, AND smokes blunts laced with cocaine. That’s some pretty unstable shit if you ask me. Bin Laden may have had all of the world’s terror resources, but if he walked his tall, sandled ass into Atlanta talking that shit and hollering at Whitney, I’d put it on everything that Bobby would’ve stomped his bearded ass back to Pakistan. None of us would have even heard of Seal Team Six. You don’t mess with a crackhead’s lady. That’s his prerogative.

Whitney and Bin Laden, what could have been only a year ago. Sad way to kick off Valentine’s Day.