Owning This Scuffed-Up Flip Phone Piece Of Shit Is The Whitest Thing Andrew Luck Could Have Possibly Done
— Matthew Hasselbeck (@Hasselbeck) April 16, 2013
Call it smart budgeting, or a down-to-earth everyman mentality, or even a sophisticated PR stunt to make Luck appear like an approachable common man. Call it whatever you want. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s still the whitest thing Andrew Luck could have possibly revealed.
No way a non-white player could get away with this. Number one they’d never survive the verbal beatdown from their friends and associates. Can’t show up to a power lunch and pull this battle-worn hobo phone out of your suit pocket to place on the table. You think a black woman is gonna let you type her number into this artifact? Its got 2G EDGE connection rapist written all over it.
No doubt everyone in Luck’s circle finds the old phone thing hilarious. You believe any person of authority would think a black player owning this phone is charmingly
frivolous frugal? If anything it’s suspicious. “What’s he doin, selling drugs or something? Is that a burner? I watched some of those Wire DVDs!” Now you’re no longer sponsored by Under Armour because the CMO thinks you’re Sam Hurd.
Only white guys can be worth hundreds of millions of dollars and have it be looked at as a positive when they don’t spend a dime of it. How ’bout a little trickle-down for the folks back in Indy, Luck? Cell phone sales are a commission-based business. Ya cheap granny-phone rich bastard.