ruben amaro

Usually when a team sucks and has older players, that team tends to ship such players to teams that can still make the playoffs. So I guess everyone is a little bummed that heads didn’t roll at Citizens Bank Park as the trade deadline passed this afternoon. But really, what did we expect? Let’s look at the players that were rumored to go and why they ultimately didn’t.

Michael Young– Here’s the thing about Michael Young. He sucks. He offers zero defensive value. Teams like the Red Sox and Yankees will probably get desperate enough to acquire someone like Young in August for some nobody minor leaguer, but when an old guy who is only mildly productive has a full no-trade clause, you’re not going to get a lot. He’s either an August waiver deal or he’ll just enjoy the view on the bench in Philly over the next two months. Don’t tell me about his leadership and being a “clubhouse guy” either. Only dickhead teams like the Phillies buy into that stuff.

Carlos Ruiz– Here’s the thing about Carlos Ruiz. He sucks. Ruiz was a guy you figured they would be able to unload at the beginning of the year if they fell out of contention, but then it took him three months to hit a home run. He looks like he’s swinging a god damn forest axe at the plate. Totally stunned teams weren’t lining up for his .598 OPS and eroding defensive skills. Speed kills, Carlos.

Chase Utley– Really not sure what the fuck they’re doing here. Reports say they’re going to re-sign Utley, which is cool and all, but then like….do it.

Jonathan Papelbon– Guy is a first-class piece of shit. His fastball is flat and on the decline. And he makes more money than any other reliever in baseball. No clue how teams didn’t give in to Amaro here.

Jimmy Rollins– The temptation for a team to acquire an aging player making $11 million next season because he’s “been through the grind before” had to be great, but unfortunately Jimmy enacted his 10 and 5 no-trade rights which ensures Philadelphia fans at least one more season of pop-ups and complete indifference.

Cliff Lee– The Red Sox didn’t need to trade Xander Bogaerts to get starting pitching help because they understand the value of top-flight prospects. Though this is a foreign concept to an organization like the Phillies, the Red Sox acquisition of Jake Peavy killed the Lee market. The Phillies are better off waiting until this winter when more teams have the financial flexibility to explore a trade. Or, you know, the front office could pair Lee and Hamels at the top of the rotation again and try to improve the offense by signing guys not named Delmon Young. Also a possibility.

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