Reader Email

Hey Mo,

So me and my friends were at Erins Express and one of my friends got this disorderly conduct citation while we were there. If you can’t read it here’s what the officer wrote under nature of the offense: “Police observed the above defendant walking W/B on Sansom St. The defendent then attempted to cross the intersection at 19th and Sansom while having the red light causing vehicles to come to a sudden stop. The defendant then ran back into traffic yelling at the operators who still have the right of way and began to do a stroking motion with his left arm near the groin area as if he were masterbating, causing a large crowd to form.” The cop cuffed him and held him in the back of his cruiser for a while before letting him go.

My question is, does getting cited and cuffed for pretending to jerk off on traffic get my friend laid?

Let me start off by stating the obvious — yes. Yes making the fake jerk-off motion while holding up traffic and getting a ticket for it gets your boy laid. But it’s not just because he fake jerked off on traffic and got caught. No. It’s because the cop actually had to use the phrase “causing a large crowd to form” in order to correctly describe the situation. So what happened here wasn’t just your boy being an asshole in the street — it was a legit performance piece!

And not just a crowd, a LARGE crowd. Like in my head I just picture 30 people standing in the street pumping their fists in cheer as your boy fake jerks it in these large, absurd stroking motions as the cars lay on their horns. It’s a beautiful and hilarious image in my head. Surely the reality wasn’t nearly as funny and your friend is probably the type of asshole I hate in real life, but in this case…yes. Absolutely laid.

What do you think?
Vote 1 for Real Masturbating Later That Night and 10 for Later A Crowd Formed Around His Cock.
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (119 votes, average: 5.49 out of 10)

Loading ... Loading ...