TMZ – Lindsay Lohan says she’s been framed — she couldn’t have trashed her “Scary Movie 5″ trailer … ’cause it was trashed when she got there, and producers retaliated because they were pissed off she was a no-show for the first day of shooting … so Lindsay is telling close friends. Lindsay is pissed at reports claiming she clogged her toilet — along with all the other toilets on the set. Now here’s Lindsay’s story — she’s telling friends producers were ferociously upset she missed the kickoff day … even though she told them she had walking pneumonia and doctors ordered her NOT to fly. We’re told when she arrived belatedly, the trailer was a disaster — the shower and toilet were not working … and she had to do her biz in adjoining trailers. It was only after the shoot that Lindsay was accused of wreaking plumbing havoc and told she would not get her full paycheck … to cover repair costs. LiLo’s friends say her people and movie honchos went back and forth for weeks before she finally waived the white flag … and tens of thousands of bucks were deducted from her paycheck.

So let me get this straight before I go off in the wrong direction — Lindsay Lohan showed up to set a day late because of walking pneumonia, found out her trailer and toilet had been trashed, and thus used other people’s bathrooms on set only to SYSTEMATICALLY DESTROY EVERY TOILET AVAILABLE?

Totally unprecedented. How does one even “break” a toilet? Toilets get clogged then they get fixed. Nobody breaks tens of thousands of dollars worth of toilet without being born with some sort of gift. LiLo shouldn’t even hide from this story. If anything it makes her 50x more interesting. Here we all just thought she was some troubled cokehead child star with rapidly decreasing breast lift, and now we come to find that each time she pops down for a number dos it’s the shitocalypse. The toilet aftermath isn’t even salvageable!

We’re in for some weeeeird Lindsay Lohan bathroom porn in the coming years, folks. CUE THE MUSIC: