DMProfessor George Church of Harvard Medical School believes he can reconstruct Neanderthal DNA and resurrect the species which became extinct 33,000 years ago. His scheme is reminiscent of Jurassic Park but, while in the film dinosaurs were created in a laboratory, Professor Church’s ambitious plan requires a human volunteer. He said his analysis of Neanderthal genetic code using samples from bones is complete enough to reconstruct their DNA. He said: ‘Now I need an adventurous female human. ‘It depends on a hell of a lot of things, but I think it can be done.’ Professor Church’s plan would begin by artificially creating Neanderthal DNA based on genetic code found in fossil remains. He would put this DNA into stem cells. These would be injected into cells from a human embryo in the early stages of life. It is thought that the stem cells would steer the development of the hybrid embryo on Neanderthal lines, rather than human ones. After growing in the lab for a few days, the ‘neo-Neanderthal’ embryo would be implanted in the womb of a surrogate mother – the volunteer. Professor Church, 58, is a pioneer in synthetic biology who helped initiate the Human Genome Project that mapped our DNA. He says Neanderthals were not the lumbering brutes of the stereotype, but highly intelligent. Their brains were roughly the same size as man’s, and they made primitive tools. He believes his project could benefit mankind. He told German magazine Der Spiegel: ‘Neanderthals might think differently than we do. They could even be more intelligent than us.

Let me first say that I would volunteer to be the father of this prehistoric baby in a Bedrock minute. No question. Sure it’s easier for me to say this since as the father I wouldn’t necessarily be the one giving God the finger and pushing a gigantic prehuman out of my vagina, but a Neanderthal kid would be a blessing in disguise. “Oh boo hoo maurice’s Neanderthal son can’t read or speak in complete sentences.” Whatever, society. Can your son dunk from the top of the key? Can your son give opposing football players concussions at will? GET OFF ME.

Besides, who really knows how smart the kid will be anyway? Mr. Jurassic People Park here says there’s a chance they could even be smarter than us. The kid could end up doing Einstein math at 12 years old, all the while slowly building an envious hatred for Homo Sapeins because his species is extinct. So don’t be mad when Krug decides to kill off all humans besides his daddy and whatever the hottest human woman is at the time. YOU should have volunteered for Neanderthal son when you had the chance.