reutersSaturated fats, like those found in rich cheeses and meats, may do more than weigh men down after a meal – a new study also links them to dwindling sperm counts. Researchers found that young Danish men who ate the most saturated fats had a 38 percent lower concentration of sperm and 41 percent lower sperm counts in their semen than those who ate the least fat. “We cannot say that it has a causal effect, but I think other studies have shown that saturated fat intake has shown a connection to other problems and now also for sperm count,” said Tina Jensen, the study’s lead author from Rigshospitalet in Copenhagen. The new research is not the first to connect diet and other lifestyle factors to sperm production and quality. In 2011, Brazilian researchers found eating more grains – such as wheat, oats or barley – was associated with improved sperm concentration and motility, and fruit was also linked to a speed and agility boost in sperm.

Pass me another Whopper, then. Trying to stay baby free until the breaking point.

The saddest part of this story is how effective Mother Nature really is at this whole “survival of the fittest” thing. Back in the day it was all about who was biggest and strongest, now it’s all about how good looking you are and how much money you make. Oh, you’re a fat guy who doesn’t enough enough money to eat healthy? Not only is your gross fatness keeping you from getting laid, but God has it built in now that even when you do your boys aren’t swimming anywhere close to that egg. The game has been rigged.

But hey, if you’re somebody who’s in college and not looking to drop the saddest $400 ever on that abort button, might as well baconize your diet and throw some extra whiz on that steak.

PS – Watch out for skinny guys, ladies. Vegan sperm swimming like Michael Phelps will get you knocked up quick.
PPS – If you’re sitting with a macbook on your lap and eating a burger, you’re never having children.