What? They didn’t have the helmet with the flames and mirrored visor? Maybe you can just paint some vicious teeth on the mask like a goalie before training camp starts. You’re getting close I can feel it.

I think I speak for all of us when I say we’re just glad you solved all those protection problems with your last helmet. It’s a wonder you survived the year playing with all those holes.  Everybody knows how those tiny little offensive lineman fingers can slip right through and scratch your face up.  Kudos to you for staying one step ahead.

Seriously, this isn’t the Mutant League.  Just play some fucking football, guy.