ABC – SHIPPENSBURG, PA.; February 6, 2012 (WPVI) — A central Pennsylvania college plans to offer the morning-after pill, known as a Plan B, in a vending machine. Students at Shippensburg University thought the machine was a good way to get more access to the emergency contraceptive. It is legal for anyone 17 or older to buy Plan B over the counter. Dr. Roger Serr, the school’s vice-president for student affairs, says, “We had some conversations with them and they did a survey of the student body and we got an 85 percent response rate that the students supported Plan B in the House Center.” Plan B costs students 25 dollars, what the university pays to obtain it. So the university doesn’t make a profit, nor does it use state money or college money to support it. In the past, the health center sold about 350 to 400 doses of Plan B to female students each year.

See, this is what I don’t get about colleges. All of them around the country are jacking up tuition rates on students for whatever bullshit reasons they can come up with, yet when a half-decent revenue-generating idea slaps them in the titty they don’t know what to do with it. How many doses did they sell to chicks last year? Four hundred? And they sold them at cost? That’s damned stupid.

No doubt that those numbers will climb or even double this year if kids can literally buy them like fucking Tic Tacs. It’s not like those figures are going to go down — students in this country are only getting dumber and hotter through our natural Reality TV evolution process. I say stock all the vending machines full of this stuff, burn every condom on campus, and charge at least double for the Plan B. If it was $25 bucks before it’s now $50. Boom — University money woes solved.

“Oh, but what if the students can’t afford the 50 dollars for Plan B?” Trust me — they’ll find it. Any dude who has ever been in a Plan B situation knows that when you wake up that next morning — it’s crunch time. You’ll do what you gotta do to get that pill. Plus now the school doesn’t even have to make up any ridiculous “Computer Fee” or “Technology Fee” that every student knows is fucking malarkey.

Did I just solve the education funding problem in this country before lunch? Pretty sure I just did.